Time to jump

Once again we get to enjoy the reaction of disappointed fans and this week, we focus on the fanbases of Georgia and LSU. And guys, remember, we’re not laughing at you, it’s much bigger than that.

From the University of Georgia fans after the Dawgs fell to the Kentucky Mildcats:

“The only good thing you can say about our coaching staff right now… at least we don’t have Les Miles.”

“I’m not sure my GPS even knows where Shreveport is…”

And, of course, we can’t leave out our friends in Red Stick. Nobody reacts to losses like LSU fans. The first comments refer to how the other members of their households reacted to their reactions during the last minute of the Ole Miss game:

“My poor 11 month old… she’s scared of me now.”

“One dog ran into the other room and the other one peed on the floor.”

“My wife just came in from outside. The neighbor (Big LSU fan) across the street was just hauled off in an ambulance!”

“Are coaches required to take drug tests?”

“All due respect and thanks to Miles, but there is no cure for Stupid.”

“I never would have thought I’d see a coach with a lower IQ than Forrest Gump…”

“Name another SEC head coach that loses that game?”

“Name another coach in 4A High School that loses that game.”

“More embarrassing of the two… Having the KKK rally on your campus, or Les Miles and company coaching debacle?”

“Les Miles hates clock management. I am convinced of that. He wants no part of it. It hurts his brain to think about it.” [uh, that assumes that Les actually has a . . . . no, that's mean, I take it back -- tf]

“At this moment, I would trade him straight up for Rich Rodriguez.” [Now, we're talking! -- tf]

“Yeah, Michigan is going to fire RichRod for Miles. About like LSU going to fire Archer to hire Curly. Oh wait…”

“Houston Nutt is our daddy”

“I did not enjoy the dinner served aboard the Titanic this evening.”

See? Nobody does it like LSU. Thanks guys.

[ht: RBR]

The Pride of the Tide

You gotta love this. And be happy for Mark.

Oh, so that explains it

For all of you wondering why Les Miles played the last few seconds of the Ole Miss game as he did, we’ve finally gotten the official explanation — and it’s from The Hat Himself. At his Monday press conference, Les explained why he signaled Jordan Jefferson to “clock” the ball — except, that was not what he was doing . . . actually, he was trying to tell the officials that Tolliver was down before the ball came loose . . . or . . . he was hoping to catch Ole Miss with 12 men on the field, except, they didn’t have 12 men on the . . . nevermind, just read (the following comes from LSU’s transcript of the press conference):

Now, in terms of the issue of clocking it, certainly there was every want to win that game. In a position of now what and wanting to get another snap, without a play call because the opportunity that we thought had certainly was that we would try to score with the play that was called. Now the one second and to try to come to the line of scrimmage and get that ball snapped with some positive result with one second to go was certainly what our greatest desire was. Again, without the field goal and without the second play called and trying to get the team on the ball, what was relayed from the press box was there was a possibility of a 12th man on defense. If they could get the ball snapped in some way, that defensive penalty might give us another opportunity at a snap. I reviewed it. There was a substitution that took place there, not 12 guys on the field. That verbally came down from the press box to the sideline and was signaled to the field. At that point in time with one second to go on the clock, I had lost that opportunity for the team there by squandering seconds.

Now, in case you couldn’t quite catch the thrust, here’s what coach means: “I didn’t have a plan, you got that?? NO plan. None. Why you guys keep thinking that I have a rationale for what I do is one of the grand mysteries of the universe. So, you’re guess is as good as mine. . . so . . . leave me alone with the echoes of my words bouncing off the inside of my extremely roomy skull.”

How can you not love this man?

Charlie’s option

Well just as the Fan called it, the saga of Charlie and the XXXXXXXXXXXXL Hoodie is about to come to an end in Leprechaun town. The Irish’s 3 third straight “moral” victory is simply not going to be enough to save the Burger King’s job no matter what happens at Stanford next Saturday (and what’s going to happen is that ND is going to get treated like a large, meat-eater’s pizza at Mark Mangino’s house).

After 5 years Charlie has now fallen below the Bob Davie line (the college football equivalent of the Mendoza line for you baseball fans) and after this Saturday’s game, it’s going to be even worse. With the loss to Stanford Charlie will have a .565 winning percentage which is almost 2 full percentage points lower than the .583 winning percentage that got Notre Dame’s two previous coaches (Ty Willingham and Bob Davie) fired. Charlie has single-handedly transformed ND from the “Fighting” Irish into the “If-You-Hit-Me-I’ll-Cry” Irish.

When reporters asked him on Sunday if he could envision any scenario in which he would resign, Charlie responded, “No. That’s not happening.”

Ok Charlie, so, I guess that leaves two other options for you: 1) Being lifted up and thrown out by one of those heavy-duty construction cranes or 2) getting pushed out by a John Deer bulldozer. The one option that is no longer available is allowing you to continue to sit in that huge, reinforced chair in the Head Coach’s office at Pope U.

I love Les

After what happened in the last 1:19 of the LSU – Ole Miss game Saturday, I have to express my love for Les Miles. I mean it. I can’t understand why all the LSU fans are so upset. What’s the deal? Does no one remember that he led LSU to a national championship in 2007? I think it’s time to show some love for the Hat and if none of the LSU fans will do it, I’ll step up — and I view it as an honor and a privilege to do so. So here we go, here are five things I love about Les Miles:

1. I love Les Miles because he’s the only head coach at any University or college in America who has admitted publicly that he has never read a book. Now, that explains a lot. As we know, reading develops the imagination, expands one’s horizons, as it were. Reading enables you to envision the future. But Les’s mind is not cluttered with such extraneous things as “foresight” and I for one love him for that simple, uncluttered vision of his.

2. I love Les Miles because I don’t know of another coach in America who can make Houston Nutt look like a coaching genius. Really. Les’s performance Saturday night was brilliant in this respect. I mean, have you ever thought, “Wow, that Houston Nutt is absolutely coaching circles around the other guy!” No you haven’t and I’ll tell you why — the other guy was not Les Miles! I’m telling you, what Les did Saturday night is not easy — not by a long shot. To do that, you have to be specially gifted. There’s no arguing. Les is special.

3. I love Les Miles because he is so completely unflappable when it comes down to tight, pressurized game situations. He never loses his cool. He always seems to know exactly what he’s doing at all times. Did you think he should have run the ball after getting into field goal range with less than a minute to play and behind by 2 points??? Hah! That only shows how little you understand the intricacies of the game! Far better to try two passes — even if it causes the team to lose 16 yards and puts them out of field goal range. It was still a better strategy . . . trust me.

Did you think he should have called his last time out sooner, rather than letting 16 seconds run off the clock before calling it with 9 seconds left? Really? What a moron you are! I mean, how do you think Sportscenter is going to view that strategy, huh? They like drama. Flair! Riverboat gamblers! That’s what they want, and Les is determined to give it to them . . . . even if it costs him. Now that’s a gambling man!

Did you think that he should have had the field goal team ready to get on the field after Terance Tolliver’s catch which stopped the clock with 1 second left? Yeah, well, . . . ok, you got me there.

But here’s my point: Have you ever seen a more calm and collected coach after making no less than eight bone-headed decisions in less than a minute? Gotcha with that one, didn’t I? You gotta love Les.

4. I love Les Miles because I’ve never seen another coach throw his assistants under the bus with so little concern. Did you hear the post-game interview? Did you hear Les say that he had no idea who called for “clocking” the ball (spiking the ball to stop the clock). He knew there was no time for that, he said. It was a dumb move, he said, there was obviously no time for that with one second left on the clock. He didn’t call for it and he didn’t know who did, he said. And he said this in spite of the fact that video clearly shows him (that’s LES all by his own self) running down the sideline toward LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson calling for him to spike the ball. I mean, what other coach do you know who could do this and then 10 minutes later say he had no idea which of the coaches called for it? you gotta love Les.

5. I love Les Miles because he gets so caught up in the game that he completely forgets to call two plays during his last time out when there is only 9 seconds left and he knows that he might not have another opportunity to call a play. And, to top it off, he doesn’t even get the field goal team ready so that they can run onto the field in case they need to do so really quickly. I’m telling you, he loves doing stuff like this. I mean, where’s the excitement otherwise?? It’s boring if your team knows the plan ahead of time, right?

[Ok, I heard that "NO" but that only means that you are NOT Les Miles. He thinks this is fun. And that's why I love him.]

And maybe just one more: I love Les Miles because he says things like “I took the discredit personally” when he actually means to say that he takes responsibility for the mistakes made at the end of the game. But don’t you love how he turns words and phrases in unexpected ways? “I took the discredit personally.” Whoa, I like that. Somebody needs to get a brass plaque and engrave these words on it. Do you know of another coach in America who takes discredit personally??

I didn’t think so. And that’s why I love Les Miles.

Alabama – UT Chattanooga recap

Well, there’s not a lot to say about this game except that it went as well as one could hope for these kinds of games: you want to win easily, play a lot of players (77 players got in the game for Alabama), and get out of it with no serious injuries. That’s what Alabama did and you couldn’t ask for more.

The plan was to allow the first string offense and defense play the majority of the first half and then turn it over to the second and third string guys to finish the game. Plan accomplished. Julio catches a couple of nice long ones. Ingram runs for over 100 yards with 2 TDs. Arenas runs a punt back for a touchdown. The defense holds UT-C to under 100 yards total offense. And all the Seniors have a fun and memorial final game on “Senior Day” at Bryant-Denny.

And it didn’t rain. Did I say that you couldn’t ask for more?

Now it’s time to get ready to play the War Beagles on the Plains on Friday.

11 down, three to go.

SEC picks, week 12

Well once again the Fan came this close to a perfect week. His foolish and naive trust in the Little Oranges was his undoing this week as they were peeled and juiced by the “Old” Miss 42-17. UT played like somebody was pointing a gun at them (oops, sorry, that’s a sensitive topic in Knox-city these days). It was not purdy as they say in Mississippi and it brought the Fan’s season record to a cool 71 correct picks out of 83 games. And that sets us up just right to do even better this week — so here we go and we’ll get the two scrimmages out of the way first:

Alabama over Chattanooga. While the Warweagles are enjoying an off week in preparation for their game with the Tide next Friday, Alabama takes on the UT-Chattanooga team. UT-C comes into the game with a 6-4 record and since this is their last game of the season, they’re assured of a winning record on the year regardless of the outcome. Alabama’s goal is to win with as little wear and tear as possible (NO INJURIES!), since they face a short preparation week to get ready for the Auburn game. Chattanooga used to be called the Moccasins. For some reason (maybe in response to pressure from the Committee to Show Kindness to Poisonous Snakes, who knows?) changed their nickname. Now, they’re just called the “Mocs” — which is apparently shorthand for “Mockingbirds” or something. Their logo is a bird driving a choo-choo train (you know, the “Chattanooga choo-choo” and all that?). This is weird and far more offensive than a poisonous snake. So, you know, I was going to be nice, but forgetaboutit. Let’s beat these guys like they stole something (oops, sorry UT, I’ll try to be careful from here on).

Florida over Florida International. The Rene-Gators will continue to roll against the Golden Panthers of FIU. This will be a tune-up for their season-ending game against Florida State. And, you know, of those two, this might the toughest game. The Panthers are coming off a huge 7-point victory over North Texas, so there’s that to consider. It could be close, but let’s go with the reptiles.

Georgia over Kentucky. Mark Richt is still celebrating the saving of his job last week in the Dawgs’ victory over the War Beagles so I’m sure it’s been really hard to concentrate on this one. But he ain’t out of the woods yet, as they say, and if UGA somehow loses to the Mildcats, the heat will be turned back up to the boiling point — and that ain’t good with Georgia Tech waiting next week. This really will be a close one with the Bullies pulling it out in the end.

Tennessee over Vanderbilt. Now that UT leads the league in the armed robbery category, it looks like they’re trying to make a strong run for the title of “Probation U” (snatching it out of the the pick-pocketing hands of the University of South Florida). But they still have two games left and they are critical if Little Lane is going to pull off a winning season. This could be a battle but considering Vandy is playing with a second string quarterback and with first stringers who would be third stringers at UT AND since UT is playing at home, call me crazy, but I’m giving the nod one more time to the Little Oranges.

Arkansas over Mississippi State.The Hawgs absolutely rolled over Sun Belt Champion Troy last week and look to continue their momentum this week against the (hopefully) maroon-clad Bulldogs. State will want to redeem themselves after being embarrassed on national television when they mistakenly ran out of the locker room wearing someone else’s uniforms. I say they will desire to redeem themselves, but, as we all know, desires are fleeting and are often disappointing — and the Dogs will learn that lesson . . . once again . . . this Saturday.

Ole Miss over LSU.This is the BIG GAME of the week. Oxford-town will be fired up and seeking to make Les Miles’ Tiggers wish they had never been born. Last week, Les escaped with a victory over a Louisiana Tech team made up of true freshmen and walk-ons. He’s not going to escape this one. Ole Miss has finally learned that their best game plan is the one where they give the ball to Dexter McCluster. On every play. They will. And they will win.

The Fan loves his picks this week and sings with whoever the girl singer was who sung, “oh, how can this be wrong when it feels so right?” Yes unknown and forgotten singing girl, whoever you are — who unknowingly foresaw the Fan’s picks for week 12 — we now know what you were talking about.

“I’m melting. . . . . melting!”

Ok, this is too much fun to ignore. Once again, the fan discussion boards are blazing with hilarious wails and laments after suffering through another loss with their teams. Here’s a sample of what’s going on:

From Auburn fans after their loss to Georgia:

“Auburn Football: Good for what ailes the slumping opposing football team”

“Ben Tate was right. He is the best back in the state — his home state of Maryland”

“I might go huntin during the bama game Id rather see a deer get killed than us.”

“SHREVEPORT HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

From Tennessee fans after UT got blown out by Ole Miss:

“we should have worn black pants”

“Is McCluster still running?”

From the Michigan fans whose team lost to another terrible team that I’ve already forgotten the name of:

“It’s becoming like being a Lions fan”

“They are worse than the Lions.”

And finally, from the poor, suicidal Notre Dame fans:

“Could be worse…easily could be 2-8..”

“With 5000 male students on campus do you think ND could find one kid who can punt a football over 40 yards?”

“Look at the good side, at least we aren’t being manhandled by Navy this week.”

Let us all pause and pray that our friends will remember that this is all good for them.

In addition to being loads of fun for us.

[courtesy of Roll Bama Roll]

Time to pack the van

Well, I held off last week (did you admire my restraint?) when Charlie’s Irish Dancers lost to Navy (for the 2nd time in 3 years) but the noise is too big to ignore this week after the Domers lost 27-22 to Pittsburgh (and looked bad doing it). Now Charlie has reach “Bob Davie” level:

– He’s lost eight straight against top 10 competition (and lifetime he’s 1-10 against top 10 teams).
– His winning percentage now stands at .583 (exactly the same percentage that was unacceptable when Ty Willingham was coach).
– He has the same record (35-25) that was good enough to get Bob Davie fired

There’s not much to say in Charlie’s defense except he sorta looks like he’s lost a couple of pounds. . . . maybe? I’ve tried to do everything I can do to save Charlie’s job, but it looks like all my efforts are going to fall short. Looking over the Golden Dome-sized pile of articles calling for Charlie’s dismissal, it seems the that proverbial scribbling is all over the wall.

Rumors are flying: Charlie is going to be replaced by John Gruden (except John just signed a contract extension with ESPN for Monday night football, so scratch that). He’ll be replaced by Bob Stoops. Or Urban Meyer. Or Stanford’s Jim Harbaugh. Or Cincinnatti’s Brian Kelly. And Charlie wants to leave and coach the Detroit Lions (so, does that mean he’s as much of a glutton for punishment as he is for Twinkies?).

I usually pay no attention to these kinds of rumors, but one thing has made me sit up and take notice — and it’s a sure-fire indication that Charlie’s days at ND are numbered — Notre Dame has now blocked the university plane (N42ND) from showing up on flightaware.com — a flight-tracking Web site used by fans to track the whereabouts of university planes during coaching searches. Charlie, if you didn’t know this, somebody should have told you.

Sorry, but it’s time to pack up the van.

Alabama-Miss St. recap

Well, I honestly thought this was going to be a very difficult game. My mistake was thinking that Miss St. would play it straight up, without resorting to gimmicks (black jerseys again?? wow, that’s really different, eh?) and lean on their running game with their very good running back, Anthony Dixon. And I was wrong on both counts.

State had an extra week to prepare, an all-time record crowd, six cowbells per person, everybody fired up, playing in a game they had targeted from the beginning of Spring practice . . . and they think wearing black jerseys will be a good idea? wow. Corey Reamer put it best,

Last time somebody came out in black the same thing happened. We take it as an insult. We came out and gave it to them.”

Yep. It was like Dan Mullen thought, “Now what can I do to wake up Alabama and get them fired up to play? Maybe some black jerseys will stir them up.” Well, I’ll have to say, I wouldn’t have thought of that, but I appreciate it. Thanks Dan.

This was one of the most complete games of the year so far. After the last 5 very tough (and rough) games, Alabama seemed to recover some of the Virginia Tech zip and vigor. The offense played well piling up 444 yards (I happily overlook a few bad plays by GMac and recognize that four big plays inflated the numbers) and the defense was its usual self — tough, rugged, stingy — holding State to a season low total of 213 yards on offense. After State’s first possession (which ended in a failed fourth down attempt in Alabama territory), you never got the impression that Miss. St. had a chance to win this game (and that’s in spite of the fact that 8 or their 12 possessions ended in Alabama territory).

The only weakness to be found was once again with our kick coverage which had a couple of breakdowns. Neither ended up in points for State though the first one looked at like it would end in a touchdown. Miss St’s Chad Bumphis would have had a 97 yard return if he had been able to stay in bounds (he stepped out on the Alabama 38). So that’s one area the Sabanator can fuss about this week (and he has grounds, this really does need to get better). But it’s always good when you have to search for a reason to be disappointed.

It was very difficult to be disappointed on Saturday. Solid defense, good offense, no offensive penalties, and no turnovers equals a dominating victory and that’s exactly what happened in Starkville town. The SEC is the most difficult conference to go unbeaten in and this is the second year in a row that we have the chance to do that. No matter how you look at it. That’s good. That’s real good.

10-0 with 4 to go.