Oh well, you can’t be perfect every week – and we would have been perfect, ‘cept we forgot that refusing to believe Spurrier’s boasting meant that we had to trust in Mark Richt. Bad move. Any way, going 10-1 ain’t too bad and that brings our season record to 33-3. We’ll take that for now and use it for motivation to get us on to week #4. And we got another early start as Awbarn takes Manhattan (Kansas).
Thursday, September 18:
Auburn at Kansas State: The Wargles took last week off and should be in good shape to take on the Wildcats from K-State. The purple Wildcats are 2-0 but haven’t beaten a real team yet (and had to come from behind against Iowa State to win). It could be tough for the Barners but they should win this one by a couple of TDs. The only problem will be trying to get their players over the disappointment of not being able to see the Empire State building. Awbarn goes to 3-0.
Saturday, September 20:
Troy at Georgia: The G-Dawgs get to take out some of their frustrations this week. Losing to Spurrier can take it out of you – but if there’s anything that can help put it back into you, it’s playing Troy. The Trojans come into Athens sporting a 3-game losing streak (losing to UAB, Duke, and some girl named Abilene Christian) so they ain’t exactly whatchoo’d call “riding high.” And the Dawgs ain’t happy. They blew a chance to basically wrap up the Eastern Division championship last week and are looking for someone to beat within an inch of their lives. Not a good time for the Trojans to visit Athens. G-Dawgs win.
Texas A&M at SMU: TA&M started with a bang, beating the GameCocks in Columbia. But the past two weeks they’ve feasted on truffle-eaters – and this week is no different. The Mustangs come into this one with an unblemished record of 0-2 – the bad news is that their two losses have come at the hands of Baylor (not too embarrassing) and the Not-so-Mean Green of North Texas (which is like losing your little sister in “Horse” on Thanksgiving with all the family and your best friends watching). If A&M has any trouble in this one, it’ll be news. They won’t. A&Mers go to 4-0.
Indiana at Missouri: Well everybody wishes they’d scheduled some B1G Ten teams this year don’t they? And especially a team that just lost to Bowling Green (Bowling Green? we thought that was one of those British TV shows). Mizzou’s extended exhibition season continues one more week. They’ve already played three sororities – so they may have the softest 4-0 record in the country. But, the schedule gets tougher next week – and it’s about time. The Midwest Tigers go to 4-0.
Northern Illinois at Arkansas: The Pig Lady is about to OD on whatever it is that makes Razorpigs high. After losing to the Barn in week #1, the Pigs have put it together – beating the Red Raiders like red-headed step-chillin last week. NIU comes in with an undefeated record – which is surprising until you look at who they’ve beaten (the Presbyterian Church Ladies, the B1G Ten Mildcats, and three drunk gamblers from Las Vegas). Not impressive. This week they will lose their unblemished record. Pigs go to 3-1.
Mississippi State at LSU: And speaking of “fired up” the Cowbell Gang is so worked up they have to hose themselves down to keep from bursting into flames. They’ve beaten three little sisters-of-the-poor, and, as we’ve mentioned, being undefeated is a lot better than being Vandy. But unfortunately, that all ends this week as the Tigurs welcome the Bullies to “return to earth Saturday.” LSU hasn’t exactly burned the house down in their victories thus far, but they are good enough to weather a Dak Prescott attack. The Tigurs win.
South Carolina at Vanderbilt: Any team that can make the “Minute Men” want to change their name to “the 59-minute men” is a bad football team. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Vandy (and we would be highly gratified if you would take them!). We’ve been talking about that Vandy slogan “Anchor Down” and figured out that it must mean they’re happy sitting dead in the water while the other sailboats in the sailboat race humiliate them. Strange. Ordinarily, this would be a perfect time for an upset of USC (east). Ordinarily you would think they’d be overlooking you. Unfortunately, everybody overlooks Vandy and it still makes no difference. So the Visor can be thankful that he’s playing in Opryland this week cause that means that no matter how badly the Cocks try to lose this game, they will not be successful. USC (east) gets their second SEC victory.
Florida at Alabama: You know, it’s not often you have the opportunity to have a historic loss and get your coach fired in the same game, but the Gators actually had that opportunity last Saturday and let it slip through their fingers. With the assistance of a cooperative officiating crew, the Swamp Things pulled out a triple-overtime victory and now come into T-Town undefeated. This is their opportunity to win back some of the respect they’ve lost over the past few seasons. Alabama on the other hand, has played the three blind mice to open its season and nobody knows just how good they really are. This game will be a test for both teams. Were the Gators taking Kentucky for granted? Has the Tide been “holding back” and hiding some of its playbook offensively and defensively? We’ll see. And we think we’ll see the Tide rise a bit this week. It could be a close game, but the Champs continue their march to the playoffs. Bama goes to 4-0 on the season.
So, there you have it, y’all. Now all you have to do is decide on what you want at the tailgate – we’re having some of Mommer’s special, eat-so-much-you-hurt Nachos, with that special salsa. Ohhhhhh son, son! They so good they taste like krispy pieces of Christmas. Y’all come join us. Keep safe – don’t do any of those stunts those Russian teenagers try on those tall buildings. Stay inside and enjoy you some real, honest-to-goodness tackle football – with some good eats on the side. We hope your team wins – unless your team’s colors are orange and blue and have reptile mascots.
See you next week.