30 years ago

Today is the 30th anniversary of the death of Coach Bryant.

Great coach. Great man.

And he would be loving what’s going on now.

“Tackle somebody!”

Throughout the year we’ve taken time to laugh at the losers as they weep, wail, and gnash their teeth over the way their teams have played. Let’s do it one last time with the Notre Lame fanbase. We thought that the SEC fans were the pros when it comes to melting down, but we vastly underrated the Leprechaun fans — they win the 2013 crystal ball for whining. Check out some of the posts that appeared on ND fan sites:

Before the game: Confidence reigned supreme

“I think very few of us are really nervous. I know im not”

“after following this team all year, there is no doubt in my mind they win this game, no doubt.”

“Bama looks scared. We don’t”

After the kickoff: Confidence begins to falter

[Bama drives inside the ND 20]: “We’re just getting ‘em into the Red Zone. Where we do best.”

[Bama scores on its first possession]: “Actually I bet getting scored on like that will help ND settle down.”

[Bama scores on its second possession]: “IT’S OKAY. YOU PLAY THE GAME FOR 60 MINUTES. WE ARE OKAY.”

“14-0 and we haven’t even run the ball yet. ****!”

“This is flat out embarassing. We look like crap. Come on guys Man up! . . . Man Come on Manti, you are missing tackles and now missed the TE on the TD. . . This is not good. Come on guys! Man up. NOw we have 3.5 quarters to outscore them by 15.”

“We’re . . . frauds, guys, . . . frauds. It’s just 14-0, but welcome to the LSU/Sugar Bowl again.”

“WHAT THE . . . !?!?!?! Our defense/red zone defense mystique blown away in one 3 minute drive for what seemed like 200 yards!??!?!!?

“HEY AT LEAST IT’S NOT 21-0 AT THE END OF THE FIRST”

[Bama scores on the first play of the 2nd quarter, making it 21-0]: “YOU ARE DOING WORSE THAN MICHIGAN”

“I never thought we would come out flat like this. Alabama is not this good.”

[Bama scores before the half to make it 28-0]: “Outmanned . . . outgunned . . . outcoached. This is pathetic and truly embarrassing. I’m not a chicken little typically but this game is going to be a rout.”

“I want to punch Sabin in his stupid pompous face!”

“This is the most embarrassed I have ever been as an Irish fan.”

“Agree. 3-9 was nothing compared to this. Navy, Tulsa, Syracuse, UConn . . . nothing.”

“Nick Saban>>>>Brian Kelly and it’s showing. Alabama has come to play. Notre Dame well…I’m not sure yet what they’ve come to do. If we ever make it to the NCG again under Kelly…whatever he did this time he should not do that and do the opposite.”

“GO HOME NOTRE DAME YOU’RE DRUNK”

“just give lacy MVP now”

“WHO TURNED ON THE BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP?”

“Nick Saban with a month prep time would beat Batman”

[Bama scores on their 1st possession of the 3rd quarter, making the score 35-0]: “Not only is the defense getting embarrassed, but we can’t even get a first down. Every single thing the SEC trolls and honks said has been 100% true.”

“i have no idea what to say. we’re just playing like asshats and thats all there is to it”

“Welp… I’m glad I didn’t let my wife spend $3K to take me to the game…”

“For the LOVE of GOD TACKLE SOMEONE…Anyone…Each Other…Something”

“Is it to late to deferr to next year?”

“Winning a BCS bowl against NIU or K-State is 100x better than this.”

“This is absolutely pathetic. Western Carolina probably played Alabama tougher than this.”

“Notre Dame needs a cheetah taped to their back.”

“Oh God the secondary…”

“hey look, NDs best defensive player makes a TFL.

“Manti…..that means “tackle for loss”, just so you know. I don’t want you to be the only one here who didn’t understand.”

[Bama makes the score 42-7, time to blame the refs]: “PAC 12 REFS LADIES AND GENTLEMAN”

“Pac 12 refs. we KNEW they would get us back for that Stanford game. now they’re costing us the title!!”

“I know the general counsel on campus and I’m calling him tomorrow for options. This game was fixed from the beginning. I want to know who was involved. This game will destroy the sport”

“never seen refs like this before. The investigation has to start tomorrow. CFB will never been the same after this.”

[Game over, final score Bama 42, ND 14]: “How did we lose? We were so competitive against football powerhouses like Wake Forest, Navy, Pitt, and Purdue…”

[as always HT to RollBamaRoll]

Very nice

Here’s this week’s cover for Sports Illustrated:

Not bad, not bad at all.

Alabama 42, Notre Dame 14

Well, this went about as well as we had hoped. The Lame Domers were never in the game. At all. The closest they came to being in a position to win the game was just before their kicker kicked off to start the game. It was pretty much over after that.

When this match-up was announced it seemed to be a clear mismatch. But after all the media praise of the Irish and how they had played “the toughest schedule in the nation,” and how their front seven were “legitimate” and how Alabama could have a difficult time running the ball and how their quarterback could give Alabama tons of trouble (a la Johnny Manziel), etc., etc, we admit that we were affected. Our prediction for the final score went from 49-7 to 31-14 (yes, we say it to our shame — in spite of all, we fell victim to “media hype” Embarrassing).

We repented immediately after observing the vaunted Irish defense on Alabama’s first drive. This clearly wasn’t LSU, though it could have easily been Western Kentucky. It was obvious after a few minutes, that the Leprechauns were hopelessly out of their depth and needed to go back to playing B1G, Big LEast, and PAC 12 teams. There was certainly little that was “SEC-like” about them (other than their masterful impersonation of the Awbarn defense).

The statistics only serve to footnote what you felt as you watched this game. The final score doesn’t come close to indicating the level of the Tide’s domination. Bama gained 265 yards on the ground while holding ND to 32 yards. The Irish defense that had only given up 2 rushing TDs all year, had given up that many with only 14:56 left to play in the second quarter. ND had given up an average of 92 yards rushing per game for the season. Alabama had not one but two running backs rush for over 100 yards in this game. The Golden Domers’ Johnny Manziel look-alike, had 5 carries for a total of -7 yards. The final score could have been a lot worse. So, yeah, total domination.

What we thought might be a challenging game, turned out to be about as exciting as the Western Carolina game (and let us quickly say to the Catamounts that we’re not trying to insult you — you guys played us tough!). Really. It was so bad that Brian Kelly said (when asked at halftime what could happen to turn the game around), “Well, maybe if Alabama didn’t come out for the second half?” And everybody thought, “yeah, that’s about it.”

It was bad.

You should learn from this that sometimes you really can believe your eyes. Notre Dame has not looked like a good team this year and going back over their schedule you see the indications that your eyes were not fooling you: a three-point win over a bad Purdue team; a seven-point win over a very average Michigan team; an overtime victory over a good Stanford team (but this actually should have been a ND loss); a three-point win over BYU; a 3-OT victory over a TERRIBLE Pitt team; and an 8-point win over a truly awful USC team — all taken together should have told us all we needed to know. This team, in spite of being undefeated, was not of championship caliber.

That became crystal clear Monday night in Miami.

And the Tide rolled to its 15th National Championship, its 3rd National Championship in the last 4 years, and its 2nd National Championship in a row.

Hard to do better than that.

But that’s exactly what we’ll attempt starting next August 31 in Atlanta against Virginia Tech.

RTR.

SEC bowl predictions

Wow, has there ever been a worse year for bowl games? People complain about the BCS for all the wrong reasons. The BCS works fine when it comes to matching up the two best teams in the country for the National Championship. Where it fails year after year is in the Bowl matchups. HORRIBLE! No wonder tickets for these dog shows are going for as little as $1.50 apiece. But at least, when it comes to the SEC, the bowl matchups are not awful and some are quite interesting. And, what’s more, they all happen when bowls are supposed to happen — around January 1st and a few days after! You may not be able to catch all of them, so as another public service, The Fan is here to tell you what is going to happen — and that means that you can decide for yourself if you want to watch. [as usual, don't thank us, just send money]

Monday, December 31:

The Music City Bowl: North Carolina State vs. Vanderbilt

Vandy finished strong and got James Franklin all kinds of new money (and even got an agreement to build new facilities) so this was a stellar season for the Commydoors — and it ain’t over yet. You think 8-4 is good? Wait till you see 9-4 and a brand spakin new Franklin American Mortgage Company trophy in that empty trophy case! It’s coming. The Doors win this one.

The Chick-Fil-A Bowl: Clemson vs. LSU

LSU is still smarting over their last minute loss to Bama (and we can’t blame them). Beating the stripes off Clemson will not heal the wound completely, but it’s something. Dabo just thought the regular season was frustrating. It will get worse on New Year’s Eve. Tigurs win and start to look forward to 2013.

Tuesday, January 1:

The Gator Bowl:
Mississippi State vs. Northwestern

The Cowbell Gang almost got shut out of the winner’s circle the entire last month and a half of the season. Almost. And if they hadn’t scheduled the hapless RazorPigs they would have finished 0-5 after going 7-0 in the first half of the season. But now they get to play a representative of the Little Ten! [throw confetti and blow those little paper tooters] Northwestern is a typical Little 10 team. Which means if you don’t give them turnovers and play the worst game of your life — you will win 9 times out of 10. Thankfully the Dawgs only have to play them once and that’ll be enough. The Bullies win and garner their 9th win of the season

The Capitol One Bowl: Georgia vs. Nebraska

Hey, now! The G-Dawgs get an opportunity to take out some frustrations on New Year’s Day! And they get to do it against a newby Little 10 team. A team that lost to a 7-5 Wisconsin team by 39 points. What’s left of the Cornhuskers will take the field in Orlando and try to remember how to play football. It won’t be enough. The G-Dawgs are still steaming over being 5 yards short of Miami and they’ll take this one. Georgia wins and finishes the season back in the top 5 in the polls.

The Outback Bowl: Michigan vs. South Carolina

The Aussie Steak Bowl actually hosts one of the better bowl games this year. The Game Chickens come into this one fresh off a rousing victory over their arch rivals, the Dabo-Tigers. The Wolverines, by contrast, come into this one looking for something to take away the bitter taste of a five-point loss to their rivals (the Buckeyes of Ohio A&M). The difference in this game will be the defense — namely, the team that has one will win it. And that means USC-east wins.

Wednesday, January 2:

The Sugar Bowl: Florida vs. Louisville

The Swamp Things think they deserve better — and really, Louisville is getting far, far better than they deserve. Their best wins came against a mediocre Rutgers team and a below average Cincinnati team. Couple that with the embarrassing losses they suffered to Syracuse and Connecticut, and that gives plenty of proof that the Gators have a point. UF ought to win by 30 points but this is the “Bowl Season” and everything depends upon the mental attitude of the favored team (witness Alabama vs. Utah in the 2010 Sugar Bowl). Truth is, however, Louisville would get clobbered by that Utah team and they’ll lose to the Gators too.

Friday, January 4:

The Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Texas A&M

Here’s another great match-up (though we would have preferred to see LSU take on the Sooners). The newby SEC team takes one of their old Big 12 rivals. Johnny Heisman against . . . . well, against whoever is good on the OU defense. But whoever they are, they’re not as good as that guy who got a sport named after him. Sorry, Okies, this one is going to the Farmers from College Station. They’re excited and all Kevin Sumlined-up and will win.

Saturday, January 5:

The Compass Bowl: Ole Miss vs. Pittsburgh

Oh yeah! Somebody pointed out that we forgot the BBVA Compass Bowl and wondered, “How could that happen?” Answer: Easy. First of all it’s a bowl game with Pittsburgh in it, whoever heard of such a thing before? Second, it’s Ole Miss, and there is absolutely no team in the SEC that is more forgettable than the Ole Missuses. Third, it’s the Better Business Bureau Value Added Bowl or whatever — some bowl that nobody has ever seen before, so we’re not even sure this is a real bowl. But ok, we’ll play along. Assuming this is a real game, Ole Miss will win. Why? Well, for all sorts of reasons. Like: It’s being played on the 12th day of Christmas and the 12 drummers will be drumming and giving the Pitt players terrible headaches. Because Ole Miss is playing Pittsburgh, and even Grandma’s bridge club could beat Pittsburgh. Because nobody cares and Ole Miss plays great in meaningless games. And finally, because Ole Miss lost to Vandy and this will make them feel better and boost their self-image and make them feel pretty . . . and all that.

Monday, January 7:

The BCS Championship Game: Alabama vs. Notre Dame

Now we finally get to the only game that matters: the defending champs against the Leprechauns of Notre Dame. Everyone has said that Notre Dame has a chance to win this game and that they match up favorably with the Tide. It’s been observed that the Irish quarterback has Johnny Football-like tendencies and that’s bound to cause horrible flashbacks for the Bama linebackers. The Irish defense has been lauded for its defense of its own endzone (no rushing TDs have been allowed all year). We’ve even been told that Notre Dame has “SEC-like” talent and that they look like a real, honest-to-goodness SEC team. Ok. Fine. And wow. We’re objective enough to hear all that. We respect it. We carefully consider it. We weigh it soberly. And our response is this: They are still going to lose. And not only that, we hope they lose by a historic margin. We hope that they lose so badly that their athletic director will seriously consider giving up football and stick to playing basketball in that new “Catholic” conference. We hope they lose so badly that on January 8, ND fans will happily line up to volunteer for a scientific test of a new drug which causes you to lose all memory of everything that happened in the past month. We hope they lose in such a humiliating way that their alumni burn their diplomas and refuse to tell people their alma mater. We hope they are so embarrassed in this game that the Pope denounces them and makes Brian Kelly do penance for his audacity in even showing up for this game. So. There. Alabama will win its 15th National Championship, it’s third National Championship in four years, and look forward to winning its 4th in 5 years in 2013. And all the people said, Amen!

So, it’s going to be an SEC Sweep this Bowl season — just as it ought to be. The BCITN (Best Conference in the Nation) shows why it’s Number 1 and gets 2013 off to a great start! So, pull out the ham and black-eyed peas and corn bread, fix up that last bottle of egg nog and enjoy some tackle football, bowl-style!

Happy New Year, y’all!

And Roll Tide.

Number 15 comin’ atcha

Awrite y’all, buckle up and get ready!

RTR.

One word: Awesome

Outstanding.

We’re playing it again.

Right now.