Well, it’s that time again – time to play “Let’s go bowling!” And this year the world’s greatest conference has 9 teams playing in bowls. We know y’all would feel naked watching these games without knowing which team was going to win so, we’ve pulled together our 2017-18 SEC Bowl Predictions (cause nobody likes feeling necked at this time of year, too cold!). And as usual, y’all get it all free of charge! Shoot, talk about Christmas gift!
December 27, 2017
The Texas Bowl–Missouri vs. Texas: Everthang starts tomorrow as Mizzou takes on the Shorthorns in the Texas Bowl in Houston. The M-Tigs had a wonnerful second half of the year (winning their last six in a row!) and now get the opportunity to take on the 6-6 Cows (who, coasted into the finish line with a 3-3 record, losing their last game to Texas Tech, hahahahahahaha). This might be a good game, but we don’t think so. We like Barry’s Boyz to keep on rollin, and we think they will. Mizzou goes out in style gaining their 8th win of the season.
December 29, 2017
The Belk Bowl–Wake Forest vs. Texas A&M: Well now we get to see if 75 million dollars can buy happiness (i.e. happiness for fans and administration). Whoa. Jimbo aka “Coach Moneybags” gets to watch his new team in the Department Store Bowl! The A&Mers had a rough finish (going 3-3 with losses to Miss St., Auburn, and LSU) so this game gives them an opportunity to turn the page and get a fresh start on 2018. Wake also finished up 3-3 (losses to Georgia Tech, Notre Lame, and Duke) – so they’re also trying to get the bad taste of losing out of their mouths. This could be a very close game and when it looks like it’s gone be close, go with the better athletes – and that means the Agony & Misery boys will win this one.
The Music City Bowl–Kentucky vs. Northwestern: The K-Kats were absolutely rollin the first half of the season (with a 5-1 record), but then November came and once again, they turned into the MildCats and dropped 4 of their last six games. Now they have to face some gen-u-wine Wildcats from Chicago (which, as we all know, are the worst kind of wildcats – the big city makes them sooo irritable). While Kenturkey was crawling to the finish line, Northwestern sprinted like an Olympic 100-meter champion. They come into this game riding a 7-game winning streak and hungry to extend that streak to 8. We’d love to see the Kats revive to their early season form – but we’d also love to see that Publishers’ Clearing House van drive up into our driveway. And, sorry to say, there’s more chance of that happening than there is of Kenturkey winning this game.
December 30, 2017
The Gator Bowl–Louisville vs. Mississippi State: The Alleygator Bowl features two teams that wish they could get a do-over on the season. The Birds started slowly and finished up a little less slowly (losing 3 of their first 6 and winning 4 of their last 5). The Cowbell Gang had an even worse finish, losing two of their last 3 and, as if that wasn’t enough, losing their quarterback to a bad injury. So, things didn’t go well this year for either one of these teams. But now, they have an opportunity to add a TaxSlayer Gator Bowl trophy to their trophy case and you can’t have any greater motivation than that can you? Well, maybe not having to eat Aunt Mytle’s “fancy Christmas” fruit cake would come close but we digress. Neither team has a distinct edge in this one and so, when that happens, you go with your bias – and we want the Bullies to win. Ring them bells!
January 1, 2018
The Outback Bowl–Michigan vs. South Carolina: Coach Crazy Eyes takes the Lamecocks down to Tampa to play the Hairballs. Two teams with identical 8-4 records playing in Florida in a game sponsored by a pretend Australian steak restaurant – what a country! The Wolverines lost the only games they played against half-way decent teams (Wisky and Ohio St). We do not trust any B1G team that loses to the only real football teams on their schedule – and we do not like Jim Hairball. So, the choice here is easy. We pick the Game Chicks and hope they win by at least 40 points.
The Peach Bowl–UCF vs. Auburn: This is a tough game to pick. Auburn was clearly the best team of November – finishing the regular season by winning their last five in a row (before losing to the G-Dawgs in the SEC Championship). And now they have to play the undefeated (12-0) Central Florida Knights in Atlanta. The Knights who have nothing to lose and everthing to prove. The Knights who will be FED UP hearing about the “powerful” SEC West Champions. The Knights who will be sick and tired of hearing why they should be underdogs in this game. And the Barners have to play this team while still being devastated about losing the SEC Championship and a shot at the CFP. Not good. But there is this: to UCF, “good defense” apparently means forcing the other team to use up more than 1:30 to score a touchdown. Even without Keryon Johnson, the Wargles would score 45 on this team. And the Knights will be lucky to score 21. Wargles win in spite of all.
The Citrus Bowl–Notre Dame vs. LSU: The Bayou Boyz were the “ComeBack Kids” this year as well. After their loss to Troy they stood at a dismal 3-2 with the meat of the SEC schedule staring them straight in the face. General Custer had better odds of seeing a good outcome than the Tigurs. But they responded by reeling off six victories in their last seven games to finish with a nice 9-3 record. And as a reward for all that work, they get to face the Golden Domers in DisneyWorld. Notre Lame looked like they had something (going 8-1 through their first 9 games) but then they lost to Miami by 33 (hahahahahahaha) and then to Stanford to end the year – and proved themselves to be the same ole Notre Lame we all know and love. Meanwhile, LSU is feeling goooooood – so good, we think they gone win this game and we hope it ain’t close.
The College Football Playoffs Semifinals: Now we come to the Big Boy games – the CFP Semifinal round hosted by the Rose and Sugar Bowls. This is for all the tacos and both games should be good ones.
The Rose Bowl–Oklahoma vs. Georgia: We like the fact that the Dawgs come into this one “on a mission.” That was the difference in the SEC Championship game and it may well be the difference in this one as well. Both teams come in sporting 12-1 records. The Covered Wagon Boys reeled off 8 wins in a row after losing to Iowa State in game #5 and the G-Dawgs won their last three after their loss to Auburn in game #10. The question for both teams is “Can your defense stop the other feller?” The Okies think they can (course they always think they can) – but we wonder about that (they haven’t faced a running game quite like that of the Dawgs). The G-Team is confident they can stop the Okies, but they haven’t faced a quarterback quite like the Baker. We think this one comes down to turnovers – who can hold on to the ball and not give up easy points. And when you put it that way, we think the answer is . . . Georgia. The Dawgs take care of bidness in Pasadena.
The Sugar Bowl–Alabama vs. Clemson: The other semi-final matchup has a familiar ring to it – Tigers – Tide III. Both teams come into this one with only one loss (Bama losing to Auburn and Clemson losing to Syracuse . . . . whaat???) but both losses can be explained (at least partially) by injuries. Clemson should be ok for this one but Alabama, for some reason, cannot get away from costly injuries –this time to Dylan Moses and Deionte Thompson – so, once again the Champs will go into a crucial game short of weapons. Two years ago the Tide took home the Natty by whipping the Tigers. Last year, the Tigers got revenge and took the Natty back by beating the Tide (on a last second illegal pick play – but we ain’t gonna bring that up). Now it’s the Tide’s turn to take back what belongs in T-Town – and y’all can look forward to exactly that happening on New Year’s evening. Alabama starts off 2018 just right – and we get to watch an all-SEC Championship game! (and then get to watch the Tide take home Natty #17!). It cain’t get better than this.
Ok y’all, there ya have it. And once again, all us here at the Fan International HQ hope that all y’all have a wonderful Christmas and a most happy and prosperous New Year. Don’t eat more than you can hold and cherish that ugly tie and pair of socks Aunt Minnie gives you – one day you’ll be able to tell some good stories about them. In fact, be sure y’all do yore best to enjoy these days – they ain’t gonna last forever and we’ll miss em when they gone. Let’s all pull for the SEC and hope that all our boys whip the Yankees (and the Westerners and all those other folks that wish they was SEC) and all y’all have a merry set of holidays!