The game of the Century

Ok, we know it’s not the same as hearing the fans after a loss, but Alabama fans had some choice words to say after watching The Citadel tie their team in the first half. Well-worth your time to read, so as a public service prior to focusing upon the Awbarn game, hereyago:

Game of the century is here, boys.

*Citadel ties the game at halftime *
Alabama: That wasn’t very cash money of you.

Saban is going to kill a baby rabbit in the locker room in front of the whole team at halftime. Congratulations, Citadel, the blood of that baby rabbit is on YOUR hands. Poor baby rabbit.

Coach O is furiously searching google for the basics of the triple option right now.

I think Citadel wants UCF now

This is what happens when Alabama plays a real team

Could the Citadel beat an NFL team?

Lol imagine taking Bama -51 against an option team

The Citadel is the best team in the country and there is nothing you can say or do to change my mind.

It’s THE Citadel. Eat sh*t Ohio State

Citadel is just toying with us.

UCF v The Citadel for the natty

Georgia feverishly game planning the quadruple option against Bama.


Alabama 50, The Citadel 17

Well, about the only thing you can say about this game is thank God it’s over. The difference in talent was offset (at least for a while) by a fairly skilled triple option offense. It was cut block city out there and the Tide players were clearly distracted (understandably) by trying to preserve their health – which didn’t help matters when it came to keeping assignments and being gap-sound. The upshot was a pretty frustrating first half.

But let’s give the Bulldogs credit. They actually did the smartest thing that’s been done by an opposing team all year – choosing to receive the ball after winning the toss – thereby giving the Champs one less possession than they would otherwise have had. Their only hope was to dominate ball possession and keep Alabama off balance. And that’s exactly what they did. After taking the opening kickoff, they drove the Alabama 40 before punting (and in the process took 7:08 off the clock).

Alabama took the ball on their own 20 and 4 minutes later took the lead 7-0 on a Tua to Jaylen Waddel pass.

The Citadel got the ball, ran out the rest of the first quarter and 2 minutes of the second quarter before giving the ball back to the Tide on a punt. And so it went. Alabama had four possessions in the first half – the first went for a TD; the second was a 3 and out; the third, started great, but quickly ended when Jerry Judi fumbled; the last drive stalled and the Tide had to settle for a field goal. The Bulldogs ran out the last 5 minutes of the half and ended it with a tying field goal as the clock ran out. Time of possession almost 20 minutes for the Dogs, 10 for Alabama. And as a result, the game was tied at the half.

Thankfully, the second half was a different story – but the frustration of this kind of game remains. The last time the Tide played a triple option team, something similar happened (remember Georgia Southern?). Ugh. Nothing good comes out of these games. We barely escaped injury-free – which was quite an accomplishment considering all the cut blocks that were being thrown around. It could have been much, much worse.

But, it’s over, thank the Lord.

And now, we can turn our attention to the Barn. Time to do some work boys.

11 down, 4 to go.


SEC predictions, week #12

Welcome to Cupcake Week in the SEC – our annual tour through the FCS bake sale. There are so many cream puffs on this week’s schedule that y’all are going to need a shot of insulin just to watch these games (which, PLEASE NOTE, we DO NOT recommend). It’s a sugar high waiting to happen. So, this ain’t a weekend for amateurs, y’all need to leave this one to the pros – but that’s exactly why we’re here. We’re equipped to handle all this and will do so safely – so y’all go on about yore business worry free, knowing that things are in good hands. For the second straight week we finished 6-1 (thanks to Kenturkey deciding to give up on football for 2018). But despite the embarrassing showing by the MildKats, we still managed to raise our season record to a cool 73-18. And that means that this week we’re ready to do some work, y”all. We finishing BIG and fired up.

The Citadel vs. Alabama: The Champs try to smooth out a few wrinkles against the Bulldogs from Charleston. The Bullies come in with a 4-5 record looking to get to .500 on their season – and then get Bowl Eligible ™ next week against Charleston Southern. There have been more unlikely things than this happen in the history of the world – but we gotta admit nuthin’ more unlikely has happened in the last coupla thousand years or so. But you know, you shouldn’t make fun of “high hopes” or noble dreams and we ain’t. The dignified thing to do is to smile, nod, and smash those hopes and dreams into little, tiny shards of hopelessness. And we can do that. The Tide wins and starts to get ready for the Barn Dwellers.

Middle Tennessee vs. Kentucky: The Blue Raiders visit the Blue Kats at Grocery Store Field – and considering how the MildKats have played the past couple of weeks, this might not be a bad game. The BR’s have been on a roll recently. After starting their season with a loss to Vandy and following that two weeks later with a loss to Georgia, they have won 6 of their last 7 games (and four in a row!). At 7-3, the Raiders have a chance to have a pretty nice year. The question is, can The Turkeys get it together and win this game? If they can, all they’ll have to do is to beat up on the Easy-Rider-less Cardinals from L-ville to end the season 9-3. And for a school that ain’t been excited about a game in November for a long time, this is better than finding left over bacon after breakfast. It’s been a while since any Kentucky football player has had a chance to work on their tan in January (unless their momma and daddy lived in Florida. But this just might happen this year, if the Kats can pull this one out. And we think they will. Get out the Coppertone boys and pack them swimmin’ suits. K-Kats win.

Idaho vs. Florida: History tells us that the Vandals were a Germanic people that ravaged Gaul, Spain, and North Africa in the 4th–5th centuries and sacked Rome in 455 AD. The Idaho Vandals however, ain’t sacked nothing but a few groceries from the local supermarket in the last two decades. The only thing German about them is the German potato salad you can make with some of the potatoes grown on campus. We thought they gave up football for one of those Indian games you play running around with a stick trying to catch a ball that’s been stuffed with feathers. But apparently, that was just another one of those nasty rumors trying to make fun of the team with the most unapropos nickname in all of college football. But in spite of that, this Saturday the Potato Field Vandals will be in the Swamp ready to take on the Florida AlleyGators. And the Gaytors are fired up after their come-from-behind victory over USC (east) last week. They gone try to finish their season with 3 wins in a row (which would give them a nice 9-3 record on the year). And, if Feliepe Franks can keep himself from throwing the football to the other team, they just might do that. But truthfully, Feliepe could probably play blindfolded in this one and still be ok.  The Reptiles win their eighth game of the season.

Massachusetts vs. Georgia: The Runner Ups get to play the Massachusetts Minutemen this Saturday. UMass ought to have to apologize to the real Minutemen for dishonoring the name. If the original Minutemen had been anything like these Minutemen, we’d all be playing soccer and saying things like, “By jove, that was simply smashing! God save the Queen!” In other words, we’d be very embarrassing to be around – which, a course, is basically like saying we’d be just like the UMass football team. G-Dawgs get to play the water-boys and the equipment manager and pick up their 10th win of the season.

Arkansas vs. Mississippi State: Wait. Where did this game come from? Did the Pigs and the Cowbell Gang not get the memo? Not that this is a great game or anything – but at least it has two legitimate football teams playing against each other. Of course, in regard to the RazorPigs, we’re sorta stretching it to call them “legitimate” – but hey, it’s almost Thanksgiving and Black Friday and all, so we’ll be generous. The Pigs are about to finish up one of the most forgettable seasons in the 20th and 21st centuries (2-10) – so this is a perfect time for the Bullies to take out some of their frustrations over last week’s loss. They might actually block somebody in the back this week just for meanness. The Bullies win and start getting ready for the Colonel Rebel Black Bear Land Sharks.

Liberty vs. Auburn: Finally, the Barners get to play a team that will let them score as much as they want. Jerry Falwell U comes into this game sporting a 4-5 record and after having given up a cool 62 points against the Minutemen (yes, those Minutemen) a coupla weeks ago – so the Wargles are pretty optimistic. Gus has had them practicing handing the ball to the ref after a TD and running back to the sideline doing that jumpy-bumpy-thang to celebrate. He’s ready to feel like an “Offensive Genius” again. And after last week’s debacle in Athens, we all can sympathize – the Guster is feeling pretty low. So, we’ve decided to start up our “Keep Riding The Gus” campaign again. It’s time to do everything we can to help him keep his job. Join us! Write the Awbarn president and tell how much you appreciate Gus: his style, his visor, his muttering “Somebody’s gone fire me!” while he walks along the sideline.You don’t find a coach like Gus ever day and that’s why we’d hate to lose him. He’s a perfect fit for the Barn. But he’s feeling so bad, we need to lift his spirits. We can’t think of a better way to do that than to give him another contract extension – so do it y’all. And you don’t even have to give us any credit.

UAB vs. Texas A&M: The A&Mers get to play the 2018 Conference USA West Division champs, the red hot, winners of 8-in-a-row, UAB Blazers. We halfway kinda looking forward to this one, just to see how good the Blazers are. They’ve already beat Tulane, Louisiana Tech, and Southern Mess, in addition to whippin’ up on Charlotte (doubling the Micro-Oranges’ score) so, they might be able to put up a fight against the Agricultural & Mechanical School of Texas. On the other hand, the A&Mers have chance to finish the season 8-4 – and that’s after blowing that lead against the Barn a couple of weeks ago – so they have something left to prove too. In games like this, go with the defense – and in this case, that means going with the Aggie boys. They ain’t all that great, but they are enough to stop the Blazers more than the Blazers stop them.

Missouri vs. Tennessee: You know it’s a sad week when Mizzou and UTiny are the “Game of the Week” on CBS – but, here we are. The M-Tigs have been bad, but unpredictably bad (which is worse). If you gone be bad, at least be consistent . . . like Vandy. No surprises. But Mizzou . . . Mizzou loses to Georgia, South Carolina, the Champs, and Kentucky, like we expected, but in the middle of all that, beats Florida . . . and beats them like they broke the Tigs’ favorite Christmas toy. That ain’t right. Now they have to travel to Rocky Flop after winning two games in a row and face a group of little Tangerines that have also won 2 in a row and only need one more win to get Bowl Eligible ™ – what the heck, man? Can the Tigs continue to play like they’ve played the last two weeks? Can the Shrunken oranges stop them and score themselves? Dang, y’all not supposed to make this stuff this hard! But, ok, as much as we hate it, we’ll go with the oranges – for three reasons: 1) they’re at home, 2) there will be grown men in the stands wearing orange pants, and 3) we don’t like inconsistently bad teams. Give us genuinely BAD or give us nuthin.

Rice vs. LSU:  Now we welcome you to the “Don’t-you-dare-do-those-bad-puns” Bowl. LSU plays the absolute, no-doubt, bet the house, worst team in the country. The Rice Owls (and if y’all say “Who” you getting slapped as soon as we can get over there to you). Because Rice scheduled Hawaii they get to schedule an extra game. So, instead of losing 11 games this year, Rice has the privilege of losing 12. Now you know, we don’t care what they say, you gotta admire that. Their only win came in the first game of the season on a 23-yard field goal on the last play of the game – against (wait for it) Prairie View A&M. For one glorious week, the Owls were undefeated. Now, they are the worst team in C-USA and are destined to have the worst record of any team in the conference. They’re so bad that Rice-A-Roni has sued them for defamation. They’re so bad that the National union of red beans has denounced them because of the embarrassment they’ve caused. Even jambalaya and boudin are looking for a different ingredient. It’s so bad Uncle Ben is sorry he converted them. Shoot y’all, Korea is even offended over how bad this team is. They bad. And they ain’t gettin’ better this week. It’s LSU’s turn to steam em. Rice, it’s what’s for dinner. [ok, we’re gone go repent right now].

Chattanooga vs. South Carolina: USC (east) has three games left to try to reach Bowl Eligibility ™ – the Mocs this week, Clemson next week, and the Akron Zips the final week. They ain’t winning the middle game so that means that they have to this one or the last one. The Moccasins are 6-4 on the year, but don’t let that record fool you – they’ve lost their last two games to Furman and Mercer (not exactly whachooed call “Football Royalty”). So, this should be a pretty easy “W” for the GameChicks. And that means that on Saturday night, they can relax and dream about going to Birmingham in December. Congratulations guys. Y’all have fun. Visiting Vulcan. And going to 5-points. And viewing the steel plant from the InterState and . . . yeah, all that.

Ole Miss vs. Vanderbilt: The last game of the day has the Ole Missuses visiting the Commydoors. Vandy has something to prove (don’t they always?) after blowing a lead to Mizzou last week. But we liked the way they played. The Black Bear Colonel Reb Land Sharks on the other hand have not been impressive recently. They’ve dropped 3 in a row (two of which were at home) and now they gotta go on the road and beat a team that’s playing with some confidence. We don’t know bout that. We kinda like the Ship captains in this one. The RABBLS will be looking ahead to their 2018 “Golden Egg” Bowl next week and Shurmer should be able to get the Vandy offense into the end zone more than once. Yep, sounds like it’s gone be the Commydoors in a close one.

E-Leven games and not one of them fit to watch! But, y’all know what? It’s still fun being in the SEC ain’t it? And with only two Saturdays left in the regular season – we don’t need to be ungrateful. Ain’t nobody got it better than us. And you know, this might be the perfect time to invite yore friends who don’t know anything about football over to watch with you. It would be perfect. You could tell them that Chattanooga (or one of the other pastries) is one of the best teams in the country and then watch them sit in awe as y’all smash them into little microscopic pieces – while you sit back, with unperturbed equanimity and complement the effort and heart that the Mocs or the Owls are showing. It would be perfect. Showing such a level-headed, balanced spirit. Peacefully enjoying the finer points of a noble, collegiate athletic endeavor. No, wait. On second thought, y’all better not do this. Sure as anything the Mocs would score and you’d cuss and throw something and make your guest think you’re a psychopath. So, forget it. It prolly best just to settle in and enjoy another win. Cause, you know, next week y’all, it’s war.


Alabama 24, Mississippi State 0

We hate this game. Sorry, didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but, we HATE this game. And we hate it every year.

Every year we have to play the Magnolia State Bell Ringers after the LSU game and every year it’s a bare knuckles fist fight – and every year we come out of the game banged up, limping, and injured, and then the following week have to played a water-bug, triple option FCS team, with track stars for wide-outs, that averages scoring around 42 points a game – in other words, there’s no way to come out looking good. And it’s all Mississippi State’s fault.

Every year we have to slug out a victory against one of the best defenses in the country. Thankfully, the Champs were up to the task again, but if you think that was easy, you know nothing about football.

Unlike you, we know about football, and that’s why we hate this game.

After the opening two drives (and thank the Lord for those opening two drives!) the Bully defense, stiffened up and basically stuffed the Tide offense for the rest of the game. A fumbled punt gave the Tide a short field and its third TD – but the only thing that happened after that was a lot of hard hits and running into stone walls, and sacking Tua – and Tua getting hurt for the fourth game in a row.

Thankfully, the Alabama defense was doing the same thing to the Bully offense. So, stalemate, and advantage to the Champs.

But we still hate this game.

Oh, there was one other thing that happened: Some guy wearing Joseph Bulovas’ jersey kicked a 49-yard field goal. Yeah, not kidding. We have no idea who that guy was but we’d greatly appreciate it if he’d hang around for the last two games, the SEC championship, and the playoffs. That’d be nice.

So the main thing about this game is to survive it. Just survive. And we did. Now we get to play the Citadel this Saturday before playing Awbarn after Thanksgiving and the G-Dawgs after that. Continue to grind boys, continue to grind.

10 down, 5 to go for Number 18 in 2018.



SEC predictions, week #11

Well, whachoosay Rufus? After a miserable 1-4 week, we bounce back with a 6-1 record the very next week? Shoot y’all, that’s whachoo’d call a “comeback.” We ain’t nuthin if we ain’t clutch. And going 6-1 in week #10 brings our record for the season to 67-17 – and we just now heading into the home stretch, so y’all look out. This week features some more “must” games for some teams, some “bounce back” games for others, and some “Don’t let down” games for some others. Here’s what we got comin’:

Vanderbilt vs. Missouri: Did ole Mizzou do a number on the Gaytors last week or not? Whoo-son! All-a-sudden the M-Tigs find themselves with new life after being left for road kill. Now they got a chance not just to get “Bowl Elegible” but they got a chance to have themselves a legitimate season (with Vandy, the Little Citrus Fruits, and the RazorPigs left, 8-4 ain’t an impossibility). Whatever it was that helped them find the offense, needs to be kept under guard for this week. But, you know, even Vandy can finish 7-5 if they win out. So both these teams have something to shoot for. Unfortunately, the Commydoors couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a shotgun standing 3 feet away. And that means that Mizzou picks up its 6th victory of the season.

South Carolina vs. Florida: Now ain’t this sumpthing? Just when you think the Reptiles might have a chance to do sumpthing big, they lose two in a row by almost identical scores (to the G-Dawgs 36-17 and to Mizzou, 38-17). And now they welcome into the GainesvilleTown the Game Chicks who have won 2 games in a row – and both of em right in the last minute (beating UT and the Ole Missuses). The SwampThings are trying to give it up while the Roosters are trying to take it home. Clearly, USC (east) doesn’t have a whole lot of confidence – they just added a game with Akron at the end of the season to be sure that they get to “Bowl Eligibility” (and they will, the Zips + the Chattanooga Mocs pretty much guarantee 6 wins for them). The AlleyGators are wanting to finish strong and they can, if somehow they can find a quarterback not named Feleipe – and that might not even be enough. But in spite of all, we think that the Gaytors can come together and pull this one out and we gone say they will. The AlleyGators get their 5th win of the season.

Ole Miss vs. Texas A&M: So both these teams come into this game sliding down a two-game losing streak and carrying identical records (5-4). It’s hard to say which of these teams is the saddest – the Land Sharkless Black Bears, who blew a 3-point lead in the 4th quarter or the A&Mers who blew a 10 point lead in the fourth quarter. We can’t say for sure but we gone guess it’s the A&Mers. Losing to a broken down Gus Bus is not only painful, but downright embarrassing. But hey, that’s why they call it the blues. Blowing leads in the fourth quarter is not recommended as the key to happiness. The Ole Missuses got good news this week as the NCAA told them that they’ve closed their case and so they will get to go to a bowl game next year. So they’re happy. But are they happy enough to win on the road at the A&Mers? Naw. They’ll lose. They don’t need no stinking’ Bowl Eligibility, they stink well enough all by themselves.

Kentucky vs. Tennessee: The MildKats lost their chance to go to Atlanta last Saturday but they still have a chance to go to Florida for New Year’s if they can win out. Can y’all say “10-2”? Ten wins and TWO losses? That’s what the Bluegrass Boys can get to if they win out. It ain’t quite the same for the Little Bitty Citrus Fruits. They squeaked out a win against the mighty Charlotte 49ers last week and made all of us proud, right? RIGHT??? Ok, we’ll stop – momma told us to be nice. But now the teeny, tiny, itty-bitty oranges get to play the Kats in Neyland. This might be a good game (and Sarah Sanders might go out on a date with Jim Acosta) but we doubt it. [In fact, Sarah going out to dinner with Jim would be a LOT more entertaining that this game’s gone be]. Kenturkey wins and keeps the Little Orange things keep on sinking into 2018 SEC oblivion.

Mississippi State vs. Alabama: But now, we come to the Big Boys Club. The Champs welcome the Cowbell Gang into B-D. This is a tough way to follow up the LSU game – but there ain’t nothing you can do about that. The Tide is just gone have to pull itself together and play some real tackle football against a better defense than it faced last Saturday (and that’s purdy stiff, hoss, we tellin’ y’all). It’s always a fist-fight but once again, there’s no way for the Champs to lose this game unless (as our old coach used to say) they “got their fingers up their a** and their minds in Arkansas.” The Bullies will be fired up and ready to make a mark though and it’s gone be tough. But the Champs have the fire power (even if they stay in first gear) to win this un and continue their un-DEE-feated march to Atlanta and beyond. And Bryant-Denny will be nice and peaceful by the time the sun goes down. No Cowbell. Sweet peace and quiet – well, except for a little Rammer Jammer.

Auburn vs. Georgia: Who has a better job than Gus Malzahn, we ask you? Who? Where else can you go from having expectations of being in the CFB playoffs to having to scramble just to get Bowl Eligible and still hear your president say that you’re the “coach of the future”? What, let us answer that: NO WHERE, that’s where! Gus needs to go on and show us all those unflattering pichers he must have in his chesta-drawers of the president and board of trustees. trying to have more fun than is legal in Alabama – cause there ain’t no other explanation for the “confidence” they got in him. But regardless of the reason, we are THANKFUL for it! In fact, we encourage the administration to give the Guster another contract extension and raise his buy out! And, if possible, please do it before Saturday afternoon . . . cause . . . y’all gone get yore Barn cleaned out and mopped by the Dawgs.

LSU vs. Arkansas: Now, the question here is, are the Bayou Tigurs gonna fold their tents after the whippin’ they got last week OR are they gone bounce back and eat some pork in Fayetteville City? Do they have something to prove or are they upset with Coach Eaux’s telling ever-body they ain’t good enough to play with good teams? Can Alabama beat them twice (once last week and once this week)? It could happen. But surely, SURELY, it won’t right? Surely, the Tigurs have enough pride to beat the RazorPigs. C’mon now, say it with me. Surely! In fact, this should be a blowout. Hangovers happen – and this is the perfect time for one. But when it gets to kickoff time (or at least the 3rd quarter) we don’t think the Bayou Boys will succumb to the temptation. At least, they’d better not. That girl that was staring down that camera last Saturday night ain’t gone stand for much more of that mess. If Coach Oh can’t motivate this team, we guarantee she can. And it’ll work. Tigurs win.

Ok y’all there ya go. The days are gittin’ short for the ole 2018 season (after this Saturday, there’s only two weeks left). So that means y’all need to get serious about enjoying ever minute that’s left to us. We gone sit back and enjoy sumpthin fit to eat, cheer for our team, laugh at the Ohio St., make fun of Notre Lame, and pray that somehow or other, Maxine Waters runs for president in 2020. Y’all have some fun and we hope yore team wins – unless, a course, yore team expects you to ring cowbells during the game. But, hey, if that’s so, then y’all should just come on and root for us this Saturday – no sense in y’all being miserable when you don’t have to.



“We don’t want Bama.”

No fan base is funnier when their team loses than Alabama fans – but there is one that comes awfully close and it’s LSU fans. Here’s some of the Tigur fans’ reaction to LSU’s loss to the Tide last Saturday night:

Michigan: Almost shuts out a top 15 team at home
Alabama: “You are like a little baby, watch this”

I had to run to the bathroom really quick and now I have more rushing yards than LSU

“LSU hosted 45 recruits tonight. ‘See what we are up against? We need you to help us beat them. So what do you say?’
*screams and runs away*


I literally could not want Bama less


We’re gonna look back at the end of next season and this will be the one pick Tua threw as a starter and we should throw a damn parade for it.

This is like in NCAA Football where you get like 8 years in and stop having fun because you never lose and there’s no challenge. Only its everyone besides Alabama not having fun anymore.

I guess Tua still doesn’t have experience facing elite defenses in the regular season.

Alexa play Dixieland Delight

Coach O stated you come to LSU to beat Bama. So, tell us again why you’re here?

”I’m satisfied” -Nick Saban
Damn he’s getting soft.

Alabama 29 LSU Zereaux

Well, that was pretty much all right, wasn’t it? If points were given for having the craziest conspiracy theories, the most emotional walks into the stadium (thanks for the chest beating and screaming, Coach Eaux), jumping up and down on the sideline while waving a towel above your head, and being loud – this one might have been close. But, then again, there is little question that all these outbursts helped the Champs focus on this game all the more.

LSU fans’ harping on and on about how the SEC front office works day and night to make sure Alabama has advantages against their opponents (hahahahahaha); the media’s talk about the weak schedule; and all the questions raised about the legitimacy of the record, the defense and the offense, only fired up the Tide players and gave them that little extra boost that pushes you from just winning the game to dominating the opponent and making him question his purpose for living. And make no mistake, this game was nothing if it wasn’t a domination of an opponent. It was not nearly as close as the score indicated.

LSU gained 12 yards rushing. Alabama gained 281. Total offense for the game: Alabama 576, LSU 196. And, interestingly, penalty yardage stood at 6 penalties for 60 yards for the Refs’ favorite while the Conspiracy Kings were penalized only 3 times for 15 yards (maybe one of the LSU fans can pass this along to Captain Crazy Jimmy C).

We had two surprises in this game: 1. We actually  thought the offense would score more than it did. The LSU defense did a great job forcing long drives and not giving up the quick/easy TD. and 2. We thought LSU would score. But the Tide defense played it’s most complete game. Now the Champs have shutout the Tigurs for 11 straight quarters. Outstanding from beginning to end.

And this win makes it 8 in a row – if you’re counting – and we are. And so is she:

So, chalk up another SEC West championship – and book yore tickets to the Georgia capital city in December. But that ain’t the ultimate goal. We’re looking for number 18 in 2018. And don’t that have a ring to it?

Yes. It. Does.

9 down, six to go.