Alabama 41, Colorado State 23

Once again the Tide played an unranked opponent and won the game. And once again, the fans are complaining about how they won. And some of that is understandable. But let’s pretend you only watched the 1st and 3rd quarters of the game – what would be your impression then? Well, probably you’d have a couple of questions: 1) How in the world did Colorado State score 23 points??? and 2) Who dropped dead in order for this to happen??

The first quarter was about as dominant as you’re going to get from a college football team. Bama took the opening kick and drove 75 yards in 6 plays (the last being a 27 yard run up the middle by Jalen). Then after the defense held the Rams to a 3 and out, the Tide took over on their own 5 and proceeded to go 95 yards in 4 plays (the last being a 78-yard TD pass to Calvin Ridley). Then after another 3 and out, they had another 6 play drive that ended in an Andy Pappanastos 46-yard field goal. The quarter ended with the score 17-0 and with the defense having only allowed the Rams 11 yards total offense.

Maybe it was that dominating start that caused everyone to relax in the second quarter – but whatever happened, the guys in green and gold gained 155 yards and scored 10 points so that with 2 minutes left in the first half, the Tide’s lead was only 7. The 2 minute drill resulted in another TD (a beautiful pass and run to Robert Foster for 53 yards) to make the halftime score, 24-10. But, still, not quite dominating.

After the required halftime “ass-chewing” – the Tide came out and again dominated the 3rd quarter so that with 14 minutes left in the game, the score stood at 41-10 and the game was basically over. But then the Rams scored two more TDs in the final 14 minutes to give everybody a reason to be disgruntled.

So, what to make of all this? It seems to us that there some reason for concern and some reasons to be encouraged. It’s hard to draw any sound conclusions from games like this which, though at times were close, they were really never in doubt. Jalen seemed to show some improvement passing the ball. The offensive line was sometimes impressive and then sometimes not. The defense was stifling at times and then at other times seemed to more holes than a sieve (of course losing 5 linebackers can explain a good many of those holes) – but sometimes, the tackling . . . ugh. Good friend Andy P. was 2 for 2 on plus 40 field goals (hooray!) and looked solid. J. K. was J. K (aka “the Most Valuable Player). So, at the end of the evening, there were reasons to feel better and some reasons for worry.

The only major injury was Miller Forristall – and it was a bad one (torn ACL, out for the rest of the season). But the good news is that 3 of the injured linebackers (Rashaan Evans, Anfernee Jennings and Dylan Moses) will return to practice this week and may be ready for the Vandy game.

And speaking of Vandy, they will welcome the Tide with the same record as the Champs. After beating the 12th-ranked Kansas St. team last Saturday, the Commydoors are Un-dee-feated, fired up, and ready to play. This Saturday won’t be nearly as easy as last Saturday. But hey, let’s enjoy what we got so far! We’re 3-0 and now go looking for #4!

3 down, 12 more to go.



SEC predictions, week #3

So, how ’bout starting the season with a cool 23-3 record? Hay now! whachoosay Louis? Are we rollin, or are we ROLLIN? Tell the truth now! The only game we missed last week was the one where we failed to realize that the RazorPigs should not be given the benefit of the doubt this year. But still, hey, we went 11-1 and we feeling like Hillary would have if she had won the election! Big Mo is definitely on our side – and we gone keep him here this week too. Here’s what going down this Saturday:

Mercer at Auburn: The Barn is wondering what happened with their bon-e-fied “Offensive Genius”? He got his latest Heisman candidate quarterback and still couldn’t score but two field goals against Clemson. This, as they say, ain’t a good sign, y’all. The Gus Bus has had a rough time and definitely needs some work. So that means that Awbarn will do what Awbarn always does after they lose to a real team and then plays a cupcake – they will try to destroy their weak opponent. The rest of the world doesn’t think that running up the score on a lesser team makes up for a loss (and it certainly ain’t gonna convince the fans that the offense is not as bad as it obviously is – but, for some reason, that ain’t the way Gus thinks. The Mercer Bears limp into Barn-City after losing (by one-point) to Wofford last week. The only time they’ll be that close this week is prior to the opening kickoff. Barners get to play the bully and skin the Bears.

Samford at Georgia: It’s another battle of Bulldogs – both of whom come into this one UNDEFEATED! Wow! Of course one of these 2-0 records looks a tad better than the other. We don’t scoff at wins over Kennesaw State and West Alabama – formerly Livingston State Teachers College – but, the truth is that this one will be a bit of a “step-up” for the Samford Dogs. The G-Dawgs, however, are still riding high after their one-point beat down of the Golden Domers last Saturday. They will be looking ahead to their game against more Bulldogs (the Cowbell Gang) next Saturday – but it won’t matter. The G-Dawgs get their third victory on the season.

Purdue at Missouri: You know, if we didn’t like you, if you were our most despised enemy – we can’t think of a more horrifying punishment than to make you sit and watch this game from the opening kickoff to the handshakes. Your eyes would melt. You brain would wish it was on crack. It would be so bad, you might actually be tempted to become a Baylor fan! No torture known to man is more terrifying than the threat of having to watch this game. So, we warn you, DO NOT CROSS US! We are gone save this one on the D-V-R and we will definitely use it if circumstances call for it. You got that? Ok. Now that you are thoroughly intimidated, we’re going to pick Mizzou – and we’d best NOT hear any back talk from the likes of y’all! Mizzou wins or they get put on probation and we make them watch this game film every night for a year. We ain’t got time for mess like this.

Kentucky at South Carolina: We hate to toot our own horns but what did we tell y’all a few weeks ago? Say it again. The Lamecocks are “legit” this year. And, if they win this game they’ll be in first place in the SEC LEast – smiling like that guy that discovered that peanut butter and chocolate tasted good together. The Mildcats are undefeated too remember. This is a battle between a couple of short guys on stilts – both thinking that everybody should look up to them all the time. But only one is going to win this one – and it ain’t gone be the one wearing blue. The Lamecocks continue their magical season defeating the Mildcats and they start dreaming of making a December trip to Hotlanta.

Ole Miss at California: This is a tough game to pick. Both teams have had two uninspiring victories to start the season (though Ole Miss’s may be a tad less inspiring than Cally’s). Neither team has high expectations for this year, unless you count waiting for punishment from the NCAA to be announced – which, now that we think about it, is a pretty high expectation. The game is going to be played in the Land of crazy people – so that gives Cal something of an advantage. The main distinction between these two is the fact that one plays in the PAC 12 and the other plays in the SEC. And that makes the choice obvious. If the Black Bears can stay away from the hippies and the drugs, they will win and keep their unblemished record.

Louisiana-Lafayette at Texas A&M: You know, when you’re ahead by a touchdown with 18 seconds left and have the ball – and you kick a field goal –you’re either trying to make the score look better in the newspaper or you think 18 seconds is far too long to trust your defense to prevent the other team from scoring. In the case of Kevin Sumlin in last week’s game against Nichols State, it was both. Coach Kevin is mastering the fine art of winning a game in such a way that you make everyone feel like you lost. The A&Mers evened their record and provoked their fan base at the same time – which ain’t easy. So last week they barely beat a team that had no chance to beat them. This week they’re playing a team that actually might be good enough to beat them (although they’ve given up almost 400 yards rushing to each of their first two opponents, yikes!). This one may not be a gimme and if Coach Kevin thinks it is, his farewell tour may be cut short by nine games. We’re going to pick the Agony & Misery guys and hope that they play like a real SEC team and not like an intramural team from St. Catherine’s Home for the Infirm.

Kansas State at Vanderbilt: Vandy is so hot that their fans are having to wear asbestos suits just to watch the games. Big wins against Middle Tennessee and Alabama A&M have given everybody in Opryland the impression that the Commydoors are a legitimate tackle football team (now, the rest of us realize that this conclusion is completely unfounded but we’re gonna let them have their fun – so, don’t be mean, y’all). They are taking on their most powerful opponent so far this season, the K-St. Wildcats. The Purple People Eaters have devoured Central Arkansas and NC-Charlotte so far and look like a solid team. This game begins a stretch of 6 tough games for Vandy (after this one they face Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Ole Miss, and South Carolina) so, in other words, the dream is about to end – and turn into another typical Vandy nightmare. Reality will begin to set as the sun goes down this Saturday. Wildcats win and the rest of us feel sorry for the faithful Commydoor fan base – seriously, both those guys are some of the finest fellers you’ll ever meet.

Colorado State at Alabama: The Champs have their second home game of the year welcoming the 2-1 Rams from CoSt. This is the last “warm-up” before the SEC section of the schedule kicks in (the Tide plays seven straight SEC opponents beginning after this one) so this is the time to work out some kinks and get better in some more areas. But this is more than a “beatem n’ payem” game. Colorado State was the pre-season favorite to win the Big Sky conference crown, so they’re not exactly chumps – and the Tide will have to play some football to win this one. So maybe we will get to see some downfield pass attempts? Maybe we’ll see some good line play? . . . and some good protection for the quarterback, with some holes for the running backs to run through? . . . and . . . Ok, we won’t get greedy, but it would be nice to see a solid, 60-minutes out of the boys. Beatem and payem boys. Tide rolls to 3-0 on the year.

Tennessee at Florida: The Rocky Flops had a big win against the Sycamores last Saturday. The final score was 42-7 – but the Trashcan Kids scored their last TD with only 56 seconds left in the game. Coach Butch looks down on mere 28-point victories. He figgers teams don’t realize they’ve lost unless they get beat by at least 35. This week the plan is to play the Alleygators who haven’t won a game yet (their game against N. Colorado last week was cancelled due to Irma) – so they’ve had a full two weeks to look forward to this one. If the Swamp Things’ offense is as bad as it was against Michigan, they will lose. But we think they might be ready to roll this Saturday – and if so, they’ll hand the Little Candy Orange Slices their first loss of the season.

LSU at Mississippi State: The boys from the Red Baton get to travel to StarkVegas for their SEC opener. Again, both teams are undefeated and untested. Both teams have solid quarterbacks, solid defenses, and fairly strong kicking games – at least, that’s the way they’ve looked so far. Both teams need this win. Seems to be pretty even from where we sit. Lots will depend upon whether or not the LSU defense can contain Nick Fitzgerald. Lots will depend upon which team is able to hold on to the ball and not give up easy TDs. The Cowbells will be ringing and everbody will be excited – but we have a feeling that Coach O’s Tigurs are going to pull this one out. Tigurs beat the Bullies.

Ok y’all, there you have it – and please, don’t worry about thanking us – we’re just pleased to serve and if we can make y’all’s Saturdays a tad more enjoyable, that’s all the thanks we need. Well . . ., that and some more of those ribs and wings that Momma-n-nem cook up for special occasions. Son! They so good they’ll make you roll in the grass and howl at the moon. But anyway, y’all come see us and we hope you’ll have some fun and see your team win [unless a-course your team wears those gaudy gold helmets – and if that’s so, it’s time to repent and start pulling for a real football team]. See you next week!


“Fire everyone”

There was plenty to meltdown about this week – especially if you were a Notre Lame fan, or an Ohio St. fan, or, a Baylor fan (surely not) – and this is doubly so – if you are an Awbarn fan. While the rest of us were having some fun, those boys had a pretty rough time on Saturday. But, you know, that’s what you get for being a fan of ND, OSt., and the Barners. Sorry.

Irish fans thought they were back. They were excited about a big year. They were wrong:

“Kelly, at some point you have to go try and win the game.”

“It’s year 8. And here we are. Enough…”

“My two favorite ways to relax are to play golf and watch Notre Dame football. I should probably just drip hot wax on my scrotum instead”

“I wonder what it’s like to be a fan of an elite team.”

2012 feels so long ago.

“Maybe it’s just because I’m an Irish fan and used to failure. But Georgia just looks better.”

“I knew nd would lose but they still found a way to disappoint me”

“False start after a timeout? Looks like Brian Kelly has taken control of the offense again.”

-Stay tuned for the next installment called, “How Notre Dame can screw up a lead”.

“Cue ND implosion in 3…2…1…”

Buckeye fans were already making their reservations for the CFP. Can you say “premature”?

“Is this what despair feels like?”

“Hey that running game thing is working real well let’s just call a sh*t ton of passes” Ohio State Offensive Coordinators

“Guys, I think we might be overrated.”

“Looks like I picked the wrong time to quit sniffing glue…”

“This team just got shut down by a Big 12 defense. Think about that.”

“Fire everyone.”

“I feel like a Hillary voter the morning after the election.”

Baylor fans are really having the time of their lives (that’s what standing on the ledges of tall buildings will do to you:

“Really enjoyable to watch Liberty fans and UTSA fans celebrate in our stadium….”

“It looks like I will finally get to see a game when Wendy’s distributes tickets if you buy fries with your burger.”

“That awkward moment when you schedule cupcakes only to find out that you are the cupcake”

“Can the Baylor-Kansas game be a “loser leaves the Big 12″ game?”

“It’s homecoming every week”

“Can you imagine if Briles had caved to criticism and improved nonconf schedule? Good Lord.”

“Baylor Football is more disappointing than my GPA”

“Rhule seems like a good guy, wonder why God is punishing him”

“It’s Family. It’s Home. It’s Baylor” …it’s a loss.”

“Something more exciting than Baylor Football: Domino’s pizza tracker”

“trying our hardest to look as bad on the field as we do off of it”

“My 97 year old grandmother hates Baylor football more than Satan. Today has to be like Christmas for her”

But what can we say for Awbarn fans. Poor fellows. They keep believing that Gus is an Offensive Genius ™. Sad.

“hey, they put in their inexperienced backups on the d line – Let’s try a triple lateral flea flicker!”

“fire malzahn in the parking lot, worthless fraud”

“whatever, sure, let’s go ahead and lose now so I can give up on this season and not have to worry about this again until Malzahn is hopefully fired”

“another sh*tty overhyped QB who does nothing when he gets the chance to play, perfect fit for us”

“I should take my antipsychotic and sedate myself instead of watching anymore of this”

“Malzahn has proved that he is a liar and fraud. Absolutely nothing about tonight looked any different than the last three years. All the blather about hiring Lindsey to “run the offense” was BS.”

“You have to decide whether every single non running QB we have had since 2010 is total garbage or Gus is incompetent. The overwhelming evidence points to the latter. Thanks for 2013, Gus. Just like Gene, you are fleecing us for millions while we will be “rebuilding” yet again very soon.”

1) eagle flight
2) rolling toomer’s corner
3) tiger walk
4) being ranked unnecessarily high in preseason polls
5) settling for field goals in the red zone due to shitty play calling”

“Say what you will about Gus Malzahn, but nobody wastes timeouts like he does.”

“Have the ball for 95% of the half. Losing. WELCOME TO AUBURN FOOTBALL!!”

“Prediction: We score with -30 seconds left. Instead of running it for two, we climb aboard the Gus Bus and go for two. Stidham takes a sack. I drink myself into a coma. My wife is ashamed of me, I pee the bed. Deal with consequences tomorrow”

“settling for field goals inside the 10 yard line: an auburn tradition unlike any other.”

“Y’all can find me at St Jude because this offense has given me cancer.”

“Is it too late to return defective merchandise to Baylor?”

“gusmalzahn sucks worst than a guy who farts in the gym running on the treadmill in front of you!”

[Our thanks again to the boys over at Roll Bama Roll]

Alabama 41, Fresno State 10

Everybody says that a team makes its greatest improvements between the first and second game. We don’t believe it. At least, that has never been very obvious in regard to Alabama – and that continued to be the case in regard to game #2 against Fresno. There were some improvements but there were just as many issues as there were after game #1 – or at least, that’s the way it looked to us. But y’all know our rules in regard to games like this one, right? Here’s a review for the sake of the freshmen: “1) Win the game. 2) Play a lot of folks. 3) DON’T HAVE SERIOUS INJURIES!” Those are our rules. We don’t require much. Pretty simple and uncomplicated. And, on Saturday, regardless of the improvement, the Tide abided by our rules which makes us very, very happy. Everybody gets an A+ and a cupcake.

This game started in the way that every game should start. After receiving the opening kick and returning it to the 27, Jalen passed a quick out to Cam Sims who ran for 18 yards to the Tide 45. Then Jalen ran up the middle for 55 yards for the TD. Nice. Neat. No muss. No fuss. And quickly Fresno St. is put on notice: “Guys, you’re only here for the money. Don’t get excited. Don’t dream of winning. It’s all for the money.”

And the game pretty much follow this script. Jalen played a typical “Jalen-game” – i.e. quick passes were completed (he went 14-18 for 128 yards), medium range and long passes were “iffy,” and the best thing he did was run (154 yards in 10 rushes). We would have liked to see more work put in on passing over the middle and staying in the pocket and going through the progressions – but apparently, that was not the plan. The offensive line was ok – but not being able to score twice inside the 10 yard line wasn’t encouraging.

There were two bright spots on offense that must not be overlooked: 1) A tight end actually caught a pass! For a TD! Yes! It’s true! (Hooray for Hale Hentges! and thank you Brian Dabol!) and 2) We got to see Tua Tagovailvoa! And he threw a TD pass (and should have had another one). In fact, we got to see a LOT of freshmen and backup players in this game and that was a very good thing.

The only disappointing thing was the defensive play. Not that it was terrible, it wasn’t. But it seemed as if the guys were holding back the whole game. There were more missed tackles in this game than we can remember in a LOOONG time. Though they only gave up one touchdown Fresno was able to move the ball (18 first downs and 274 yards of total offense). Of course most teams would kill to have that kind of defensive performance. So, it certainly wasn’t a disaster, but it was simply sloppy, not buttoned up, shirttail hanging out, sort of a game for the defense.

The best thing about this one aside from winning it was that there were no major injuries. Lots of people got to play (60 in all and 12 of them were freshmen). Many got some valuable “real game” experience and so, success all around. So far everything is as it should be. Keep it up boys. Next week: Colorado State.

2 down, 13 to go.


SEC predictions, week #2

Well, that wasn’t a terrible start for the year – going 12-2 in the first week – and especially considering that the only two misses were a result of 1) having too much confidence in the Gaytors (thinking the mass suspensions would not affect them, it did). And 2) thinking that the A&Mers would realize that it ain’t November yet and thus, they would be able to hold on to a 34 point lead with 18 minutes to go in the game! We know, we’re naive – always thinking the best of others. Anyway we’re thankful that somehow the Champions of Life were able to come back and defeat the Yalla Bees in overtime – that would have been unbearably embarrassing. But in spite of all the tribulations of week 1, we survived and take a solid record into week #2. And once again we have some “show-me-the-money” games that we’ll deal with off the top.

UT Chattanooga at LSU: Coach O’s Tigurs put the Mormons in their place last Saturday with a shutout and now turn to attack the Water Moccasins of UT-Chattanooga. The Mocs started a coupla weeks ago, with a 2 TD loss to Jacksonville State. Which doesn’t bode well for the Lookout Mountain boys. In fact, it’s pretty terrible and it ain’t gone get any better in Death Valley Saturday night. Tigurs win and go to 2-0 on the year.

UT Martin at Ole Miss: The FCS Skyhawks are coming to Escort City fresh off a 36-0 skunking of somebody called “Clarion” (which we thought was a cosmetic company or something). Anyway, their defense has yet to give up any points. That will end this Saturday. The Black Bears treated the South Alabama Jaguars like an obnoxious ex-girlfriend, scoring 47 and gaining over 500 yards. UT Dean Martin is not as good as the Jags. Sorry guys, just keep thinking about the next game when Chattanooga comes to town, “Then, we’ll show what we can do!” you can say. Y’all are so sweet. You’re also losers.

Nicholls State at Texas A&M: We always thought the “A&M” stood for Agricultural & Mechanical but we were wrong. Clearly, it stands for “Agony & Misery.” And blowing a 34 point lead with 18 minutes left in the game means that we have to change Kevin Sumlin’s name to “Kevin-just-call-me-gone” Sumlin. We ain’t seen a collapse like that since they demolished the Astrodome. But at least the schedule allows the “Agony&Misery” boys some relief. This week they welcome the Colonels from Nichols State into Cow Town. The N. St. team is coming off a scintillating come- from-behind victory over McNeese State last Saturday (they won on the last play of the game with a 32-yard field goal). But in spite of having momentum, we think the Ags will be able to take the “W” and even their record for the year. If they don’t, Coach Kevin will have to resort to the sunglasses and fake mustache to make it out of the stadium to his hideout in the woods.

Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt: Y’all, Vandy is hot. They just whipped the Middle Tennessee State boys like they stole something and won their first game of the season for the first time in 6 years! Now they are absolutely fired up to take on SWAC non-powerhouse, Alabama A&M – who got punished by UAB last week (losing by 31 points, which wouldn’t be so bad if UAB hadn’t abolished football 3 years ago – so, it’s bad). But this means that the Commydoors are going to start the season with a sho’ nuff boney-fied Winning Streak ™! They gonna be 2 and oh after this Saturday and all ready to welcome Kansas State into Opreyland next Saturday. Anchor down boys and tell everbody else to watch their toes!

Northern Colorado at Florida: Yeah, we didn’t know who “Northern Colorado” was either. But we looked them up and what do you know? Not only are they in the “Big Sky” conference, they defeated the College of Idaho (please note, not the University of Idaho, which would be bad enough, but the College of Idaho) last week. The good news for the Gaytors (who couldn’t beat a puny Michigan team), is that the Bears were only able to score 41 points against the “Yotes” (cool-speak for “Coyotes”) last week – so the Alleygators should be able to handle them. It’s in Gainesville-city so it’ll be hot and if that prolly won’t sit well with Bears, so we believe The Swamp Things will even up their record and look forward to playing the “Champions of Life” next week.  Game cancelled due to hurricane Irma

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky: The K-Kats had a nice win last Saturday down in South Mississippi and now get to welcome the Colonels of Eastern into Lexington. EKU opened their season by losing to Western Kentucky by 14 last week – so they’re looking for revenge in the Round Robin Kentucky Football Tournament. But they ain’t gone get it. The Kats may not be great but their good enough to win this one – and they need to be sure it ain’t all that close. Kats win and remain un-dee-feated!

Indiana State at Tennessee: We don’t know about y’all, but we couldn’t be prouder of “The Champions of Life” and the way they played that game against the YallaBees last Monday night. And who said they couldn’t hold Georgia Tech to under 700 yards of total offense?? Who?? We hope you’ve learned your lesson and that you’ll be more careful next time! And they looked so cute with their “Turnover Garbage Can” and all the guys slam-dunking the football in it. Have you ever seen anything more precious? And when the time ran out and they had won the game, they were soooo excited. Wow, brought tears to our eyes and we kept saying, “Somebody please give those boys a trophy!” And the next thing we were saying was, “Please give Coach Butch a contract extension, pleaseplease!” Watching that game and how Coach B managed it convinced us more than we thought was possible that he’s definitely the coach for the Little Candy Orange Slices, definitely!– no doubt about it. Now the Rocky Flops have to pull everything together and get ready for the Sycamores who come in licking their wounds after losing by 2 points to Eastern Illinois last Saturday. They want revenge. They want to get in the win column. They will be disappointed. The Little Orange Candy Slices get their second win of the year.

Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech: Ok, so now that we’re done with the play-for-pay games, let’s look at the real schedule. The StarkVegas Bulldogs gets to travel to beautiful Northeast Louisiana to play the Bulldogs from Louisiana Tech. And it might be a real dog fight if the Mississippi Dogs make some mistakes. While the Mississippi Dogs were mashing Charlestown Southern, the Ruston Dogs were destroying Northwestern State. So this is the battle of the undefeated Dawgs. And when you got two dogs of the same kind fighting, you go with the bigger one – and the bigger one is the one from the Magnolia State. The Cowbell Gang moves their record to 2-0 and gets ready to welcome the Red Stick boys next Saturday.

South Carolina at Missouri: Mizzou was impressive on offense last Saturday, hanging 72 big ones on Missouri State. But on the other hand, they gave up 43 points – to Missouri State. Yeah. This Saturday, they get to play a real team and uh, let’s just say, they ain’t scoring 72 this week – though they might give up 72. The Lamecocks got a big win last week against NC State and are seriously excited about the possibility of having a historic season. It could happen. And there ain’t nothing about this game that’s gonna kill their enthusiasm. Game Chickens get their second victory of the year.

Fresno State at Alabama: Fresno State used to be a very tough team but after last year (when they went 1-11) all the air was taken out of the tires and they been riding on the rims for the last 9 months waiting to get back on the field. Last week they opened the season against Incarnate Word (not Jesus! that college in San Antonio – what is wrong with you?) and beat them 66-0. Which, it seems to us, was a very unChristian thing to do (of course, Fresno is a California college and you know how heathern West Coast people can be sometimes). Anyway, we can’t get too upset with Fresno since they scored their 66th point with 3:27 left in the third quarter. So, obviously, they held back a tad. This week in T-Town the Bulldogs will not hold back. But it won’t matter. They will lose and make that long trip back to Californy wishing they got to play Incarnate Word every week.

TCU at Arkansas: The Pigs welcome the Christians from Texas into town for what should be one of the best games of the day. Both teams whipped up on punching bags last week (the Razorbacks scorched Florida A&M 49-7, while the Horny Frogs bludgeoned Jackson State 63-0) so this will be the first real game for both. The Frogs are favored but, for some reason, we kinda like the Hawgs in this one. Maybe it’s the memory of the Pig Lady’s songs; maybe it’s the images of Big Brett tripping and falling in front of everybody – we don’t know, but we’re going with the Pigs to sooey all over the Frogs for their second victory of the season.

Georgia at Notre Dame: Both these teams are coming off easy openers (Georgia against Appy State and the Irish against Temple) – so we don’t really know much about either. But what we do know makes us think that the G-Dawgs are better equipped to win this one than Notre Lame. The Leprechauns are coming off a terrible 4-8 season. They’re going to be better this year, but still, we can’t see them beating the Dawgs – even with true freshman, Jake Fromm, starting at qb. We like the Red Dawgs in this one as much as we miss ole Coach “Blimp-Worthy” Charlie Weiss. And we miss him a lot.

Auburn at Clemson: Finally, we have a nice match up between two sets of Tigers. And again, it’s impossible to know just how good either one of these teams are based on their play last week. Anybody can eat a cupcake and both these teams devoured one (Clemson beating Kent State and Awbarn defeating Georgia Southern). So, who do you like? Both teams have new quarterbacks. Each one has lots of new faces on both sides of the ball. Both have high expectations. Both have dreams of championships. How can we decide? Well, we can decide like this: Which one is named “Awbarn”? Ok, thanks, they lose.

And there y’all have it. We rollin ain’t we? This ain’t that Great Value sandwich meat operation, we are Oscar-Meyer level. We not just a plain ole can of viennies. We’re viennies with crackers and cheese. That’s us.”Quality” is our middle name. And a course, that’s why we’re number 1. It’s the process. So, since we already done the deep digging, y’all can all relax and sit back and enjoy another great weekend of tackle football. And if you’re by yourself, come on over to the International HQ. The nachos and wings are gone be so good, your tongue’ll slap your brains out.


“We’re everybody’s homecoming game”

Ok, it’s your favorite time of the week, we know it is, so no use denying. Time for MELTDOWNS and what a great week for it. Just think of the State of Texas alone (Baylor, Texas A&M, and don’t forget the Shorthorns!) – oh the glory! And there is even more:

60663624eJust when Baylor fans thought it couldn’t get any worse, their team goes out and loses to Jerry Falwell U. Ouch:

“All is not lost….I still think Baylor can beat Waco High…and Texas”

“we should’ve took the death penalty”

“Is?…is that?….is that really Liberty’s QB? like… in real life? The guy who just threw for 447 yards and 3 touchdowns, yeah that’s him”

“Remember a couple years ago when we laughed at scheduling Lamar and Liberty, then complained that we weren’t top 4? GOOD TIMES”

“Glad I have season tix!”

sadfanaggiesThe A&Mers all thought that a 34 point lead was big enough. It wasn’t. And now, they ain’t happy:

“It takes a special kind of stupid to lose that game.”

“Alabama broke Sumlin for good.”

“Paging our contract lawyers: Does blowing a five touchdown lead qualify as a “for cause” event? Asking for a friend.”

“Anything related to passing We suck at. We’re freaking LSU now, without the secondary”

“In lieu of coaching the second half Sumlin decided to design another set of alternate uniforms”

“Sumlin threw the game away, not because he wanted to, but because he had to. What’s the only way to stop the Aggies late season collapse and choke? You do it all in the first game. He’s actually playing 5D chess right now”

“Is it baseball season yet?”

“The SEC: It just means more. Maybe that’s not such a good thing right now.”

“Can we find a conference where the games are only one half?”

“See, it is only the 2nd biggest comeback in ncaa history”

“Look on the bright side, North Korea has a bunch of bombs so none of this matters”

“It took more skill to LOSE that game than it did skill to win others”

rbz-ut-ucla-35Ah, but the Shorthorn fans. It is amazing how losing one game can destroy all the love for a new coach. But, that’s what losing to Maryland will do that for you:

“Good to see our identity now is leave it all on the field for a quarter”

“We’re gonna lose to a basketball school. A BASKETBALL SCHOOL!”

“Can Maryland even score 51 points in basketball?”

“This season is going to send me to the hepatologist.”

“Anyone got that Jonestown Koolaid?”

“I’ve come to accept that my liver will not sustain me to retirement.”

“This team has zero idea of how to capitalize on opportunity or seize momentum. Incredibly frustrating! Me however…I’m going to seize this opportunity to become an alcoholic.”

“Some sideline reporter was saying Herman said at halftime something like the first half was craziest half of football he’d been a part of. Herman, that’s not crazy, that’s Texas football for the last 3+ years.”

“I felt sorry for this team with Charlie. Herman is hate-able”

“I wish i was there to throw stuff”

“I have two children who have never seen a good Texas team.”

“How do we get out of the OU game? I dont have it in me.”

“At least it’s not a conference game? *drinks more whiskey*

“We’re everybody’s homecoming game”

“We were probably looking ahead to San Jose State.”

“Guys, guys, guys I know it’s hard and it hurts, but remember this important detail: At least you’re not Baylor.”

“Yup: We’re Kansas”


Alabama 24, Florida State 7

Nobody said ugly wins don’t count. They count. And it’s a good thing because this one was not whatchoo’d call a beauty contest winner. But don’t get us wrong, it was a huge win and we are sincerely thankful for it. But it was rough. Let’s consider the good, the bad, and the ugly:

The Good: The Defense.This wasn’t the first time that the defense saved everybody’s bacon, but it was a bit more obvious than usual on Saturday night. With the struggles of the offense – the defense had to keep the Seminoles out of the endzone, and they did just that. The rebuilt d-line played very well; the linebackers were as good as advertised; and the defensive backfield was solid (Minka Fitzpatrick, aka “the Shadow,” smothered receivers – the only completions were a result of being out-jumped by a guy 6 inches taller).

Special Teams. We said before the game that mistakes and turnovers would be critical (yes, everybody says that, but everybody says it because it’s true) – and thanks to the Tide’s special teams, they were critical to a victory for the good guys. The turning point in the game came right at the end of the first half when FSU had an opportunity to tie the game with a field goal (important because they were going to receive the ball to start the second half) and the kick was blocked (by Minkah Fitzpatrick). This was a huge play that set the tone for the second half – which began with an early punt block (by Damien Harris) – and set the stage for a magnificent unraveling of the FSU offense. All-in-all it was a great night for Bama special teams (a blocked field goal, a blocked punt, and a fumble recovery on a kickoff).

The Bad: The Offense (by which we mean primarily Jalen Hurts). And by that we don’t mean that Jalen played badly – he didn’t. But the word had been  that he had improved on his ability to stay in the pocket and go through his progressions as well as improving the accuracy of his passing. Well, if he has, it wasn’t very obvious in this game. He continued to give up on plays when his primary receiver was covered and resort to scrambling out of the pocket. This meant that F-State basically could disregard the passing game and focus on stopping the run (stacking the box and crowding the Bama wideouts, knowing that if they covered them for 3 seconds, Jalen would give up on the pass and try to run). And because they stacked the box, running the ball was very difficult. The FSU defense is very good (ok, they’re extremely good), but the inability to exploit man-to-man tight coverage severely limited offensive effectiveness.

Place-Kicking. Now, this one may not be completely fair. Andy Pappanastos is a senior but still, deserves some slack since this was his first big game – so slack he shall be given. But the Tide must be able to make medium length kicks (35-45 yards) if they are going to be successful this season – and Andy missed two. There’s going to be a game where hitting those field goals means winning or losing and you just can’t batting .500 on your attempts. This must improve. But we shall withhold harsh judgment and give our friend Andy, some slack on this while restraining our concerns – for the time being.

The Ugly: Injuries. Alabama suffered the loss of four (4) linebackers in this game – two of them for the rest of the season. There is depth at that position (thank the Lord) but losing two of the best pass rushers (Christian Miller and Terrell Lewis) for the season didn’t help matters. That was a blow. But, as bad as this was, it wasn’t as bad as what the Noles’ endured with the season-ending injury to Deondre Francois (the FSU starting quarterback). That was brutal. Absolutely brutal.

So, all in all, we can give thanks and rejoice in a successful opener – against a very tough team. And we can especially be thankful we’re not the Texas A&Mers (O the indignity, O the horror!).

1 down, 14 to go. Next week it’s Fresno State in T-Town.