Alabama 27, Arkansas 14

Well, that wasn’t near bout as easy as we were hoping it’d be, was it? We weren’t expecting to be behind with 1:50 left in the third quarter, but there we were, with a first and 10 on our own 19 and the Pigs ahead 7-3.  At that point, it was beginning to look like the offense was never going to get it going. But on the first play of the series a beautiful thing happened: Jake Coker (who had been shakey all night) lofted a pass to a wide open Calvin Ridley for an 81 yard TD, putting the Tide ahead 10-3 and turning the game around.

But the really big play came from the defense to get the ball so that this beautiful thing could happen. On the previous  Arkansas possession, the Hawgs had a 3rd and 5 at their own 45. It was time for another stop on the part of the defense and they got it, thanks to Dalvin Tomlinson who knocked down a Brandon Allen pass which could have given the Pigs a critical first down in Bama territory. This play forced an Arkansas punt which was fair caught by Cy Jones the Tide 19 — and that was followed by the beautiful thing that put the Tide ahead in the game.

The third big play came on the next Arkansas possession. The Hawgs faced a 4th and 5 at their own 41. Inexplicably, Bret Bielema caledl for a fake punt. Punter Toby Baker rumbled and stumbled for a grand total of 2 yards, leaving the RazorPigs 3 whole yards short of a first down — and giving the Tide the ball on their 43 yard-line — from which they proceeded to drive for their second touchdown making the score 17-7 and basically ending the game. So, within a 5 minute period Alabama went from being behind, struggling and unsure on offense and as uncomfortable as Phil Robertson at a White House reception for Hillary Clinton, to being ahead by ten points and completely in control of the game. Thank you notes are in the mail to Coach Bielema and the Pigs’ Special Teams’ coach.

The defense had another magnificent game. They are about as good as we could hope — even with the weaknesses in the defensive backfield. But the quarterback play continues to be wobbly and inconsistent. Apparently, Jake Coker has a constitutional inability to throw off his front foot and that continues to cause a great deal of heartburn. That, along with Lane Kiffin’s belief that we must play like a PAC 12 team when we get inside the 10 yard-line, are the main concerns for the offense. The key continues to be turnovers — or, more particularly, not giving up turnovers. If we can stop giving the bad guys the ball deep in our own territory, we’ll be fine.

But, you know what guys? At least we ain’t Georgia! Hopes for another championship are still alive. Win number 3 of the “Must-Win” games is in the books and now we can turn our attention to College Station this coming Saturday. The Aggies are one the five teams on the schedule to take their off-week before they play the Tide, so while Bama was clawing and scratching to beat the Hawgs, the Agricultural & Mechanical school was sitting in Laz-e-Boyz, enjoying those drinks with the little umbrellas in em, and eating those little bar-b-qued weenies. So we’ll see how that’ll work out for them.

But for now, let’s all give thanks for another victory. Three down, six more to go.


SEC predictions, Week #6

Well, it’s hard to believe, but this week marks the mid-point of the 2015 season. Wow. Time flies when you’re having fun with SEC Football. And we had a good bit of fun last weekend here at Fan HQ (though o’course, we were two wins short of having as much fun as we had hoped for). Going 7-2 on the week brings our record for the year to 43-9 – which leaves a good deal to be desired considering our astronomically high standards. But we’re looking forward this weekend with the same confidence that Vandy students look forward to true-false quiz. We got this un, y’all.

South Carolina at LSU: This was supposed to be a home game for South Carolina but because of the torrential rainstorms they’ve had over the past couple of weeks they had to move the game to Baton Rouge. Which considering the fact that the Game Chicks have been treading water all season, is not good news. If the Bayou Boys can avoid looking ahead to their game with the Alleygators next week, they should be able to take care of bidness in this one. It could be a problem, but it won’t be. Tigurs win and that means Carolina’s hopes for the season will be reduced to trying to find enough wins to get an invitation to the Belk Bowl. 

New Mexico State at Ole Miss: If you’re looking for a really terrible team, and you look at the New Mex Aggies, you just found exactly what you’ve been looking for. They are straight up and down awful – going a sizzling 0-4 before getting on the bus for the trip to Oxford-town this Saturday. This could get very ugly. We talkin’ U.G.L.Y. ugly. Like Whoopi Goldberg Look-a-Like Contest ugly. The Black Bears are frustrated after being trapped and skinned in the Swamp last week and they’re ready to make the score board look like a pin ball machine. The Ole Missuses win and get to feel good about themselves again.

Georgia at Tennessee: So it’s come to this. Butch Jones is now being given the opportunity to learn what it was like to be Derek Dooley. He’s trying his best but so far his team has lost every big game they’ve played – so they need to get it turned around and rat now. This is a HUGE game for the Little Candy Orange Slices. Unfortunately, they’re facing a G-Dawg team that got dismantled like a Lego tractor in the hands of a two-year-old last Saturday in the rainstorm in Athens and thus, is as mad as that feller whose friend put super glue in his shampoo. The question is: Can the Little Candy Orange Slices stop (or slow down) Nick Chubb and Sony Michell? Answer: No. Conclusion: Georgia wins.

Troy at Mississippi State: The Bullies lost a tough one last week and so are pretty much out of the Western division race with two losses (both against SEC West opponents) – so they’re another team ready to take out some frustration and beat somebody like a congo drum. Enter the Troy Trojans. A very nice team from West Alabama who come into this one with a 1-3 record (defeating Charleston Southern for their only win) so they’ve got a tad of frustration of their own. Unfortunately for the men of Troy, the Cowbell Gang has more guns and ammo with which to express their frustration. Which means that Troy will leave StarkVegas with a 1-4 record.

Arkansas at Alabama: So the RazorPigs are rounding into form just in time to travel to T-town and take on the Champs. Arkansas’ running game is strong and once again, like last week, the Tide front 7 will be called upon to shut it down and force the Pigs to throw. This game was much closer than it should have been last year – and if the Tide plays like it did last year, it could become another sad Saturday night in B-Denny. The Champs have the same plan as last week – hold on to the ball, make tackles, stop the run. If the Tide does those things, they will win their 3rd “elimination” game of the season. Bama’s living large on the edge. It’s week to week and we think they’ll survive another week. Tide wins.

Florida at Missouri: Is it just us or is there a smell of “upset” in the air? The Alleygators come into this one a surprising 5-0 on the year, in first place in the SEC LEast, and acting like the guy who got the purty girl to go with him to the prom. They having a time, y’all! But now the schedule is about to get a lot more serious with Mizzou, LSU, and Georgia in the next three games. Mizzou goes into its second game with their freshman qb – looking to remain in the hunt for Atlanta. The M-Tigs looked much better last week (without Matty Mauk) but have they improved enough to derail the Gator train? We don’t think so, but somehow . . . we’re feeling something odd about this game. The Swamp Things have to travel to Red Stick next Saturday and we think they might be thinking more about that game than this un. We’re hearing that ole upset theme song – and we goin to follow the music. So here’s our first “upset special” of the season: Mizzou wins and goes into a first place tie for the SEC LEast lead.

So who said we wouldn’t take chances? We ain’t going to act like one of those crazy Russian teenagers and hang by one hand off a 114-story building – but we don’t mind taking a chance on the underdog now and then. We know most like to play it safe, but hey, this is why we get paid the big bucks and y’all watch.

So, y’all just sit back and, like Les says, “Relax” – and enjoy your pressure-free, secure, risk-less fun. Y’all deserve it. And celebrate the half-way point in the season, by pulling out the Nachos with the Jally-penas on top so that you can enjoy the games. Here’s hoping your team wins (unless you have somehow, inexplicably, been persuaded to cheer for the Arkansas – in which case, we’ll pray for you and hope that yore momma treats you nice).


“I thought God was supposed to like us”

Well, somebody had to lose last week, didn’t they? And we can’t think of a better group to go through the suffering than Notre Lame, the Ole Rebel Black Bears, and Georgia. Sorry guys, but, you know, somebody has to take it on the chin, and it y’all’s turn:

Notre Dome fans can’t believe they went all the way down to South Carolina to lose a game – and even worse, they lost to Clemson:

“ND has had more drops than a first-week class roster for organic chemistry.”

“Lyght and Denson couldn’t catch a cold”

“Hello I’m a Notre Dame fan and an alcoholic.
Edit: kill me”

“Right this way Clemson, we have a touchdown reserved for you.”

“And a 40 foot tree just fell in my pool. I blame Brian Kelly for that too.”

“Burn everything. Fire everyone. I hate all of the things.”


“I thought God was supposed to like us…”

“waiting for this program to turn the corner is like being at a green light behind a car driven by a 17 seventeen year old girl who is looking for her hair brush, putting on her makeup, sending a text, and talking to her friends in the back seat.”

Ole Miss fans were having a great season – let’s emphasize the were. But their Black Bears went down to Florida and found out what it’s like not to be given 24 points by the other team:

“It pisses me off we can’t lose like a regular team. We can win big games and have a solid season, but when we lose, we lose bad. Real bad. . . we got spanked around the field all night. My entire life it has been like this. And it is frustrating.”

“Hot garbage? Hot? He’s cold as !%*#. Frozen. Immobile. Stuck. Anchored. Static. Quiescent. Rooted. Stationary. If he were HOT garbage, he could at least accidentally get in someone’s way. In his current state, he can’t even do that….”

“As fun as the week was after beating Bama, it will be the worst this week after us losing the way we did. Hell, even Auburn won.”

“If there are any optimistic Rebel fans out there thinking Well we still only have one loss and we’ve got a little time to regroup, heal, and find that swagger again, don’t kid yourself. Vandy and Florida were not fluky games. We are bad. Just bad.”

“Does CHF have any indication, at all, that we will execute in the red zone the next time we’re there? Oh yeah. It will work great against New Mexico State. So we’re good to go. . . . Kill me now.”

“You had all pro NFL talent salivating over 1 on 1 coverage from the 2 yd line and you chose TO RUN UP THE MIDDLE WITH AN O LINE THAT CAN’T EXECUTE THEIR WAY INTO OR OUT OF A PORTA SHITTER”

“Next year can’t we just Lose to Alabama and win the other games?”

“Are we sure WE’RE not the ones with the flu?”

“Flu my ass. Grier got some kind of super Bug that gave him Superman abilities.”

“I should’ve bought airplane glue.”

“It’s like Hugh Freeze forgot that we have explosive play makers. He tried to play offense like Alabama when we don’t have the talent for that.”

“well gator fans im glad your happy. at least one of us can be happy. while im sitting in a dark room tonight, rethinking my priorities, pondering the big picture, apologizing to everyone ive wronged via social media, crying, laughing, other stuff, idk. but im glad your happy because if everyone is sad that would suck. to everyone that has doubted, underestimated, and trashed ole miss, congragulations, you were right. im glad your happy too, and i hope your team is doing well. to all of my fellow ole miss fans. we will be ok. we are humans, and we will die one day, and it will all be over. i love you all.”

But poor Georgia fans got the worst of it didn’t they? They’d “circled” this game two years ago; they’d focused on it, planned for it, they were even favored to win. They couldn’t wait for it to come – and then it did. And it was the Worst. Day. Ever.

“UGA was favored for a while during the week. Guess they havent been watching Mark Richt for the last 15 years”

“I don’t want to say I saw it coming but I saw it coming. Georgia gets pantsed on live TV again. Big damn surprise.”

“well I would hate Bama and their fans
but it is so very. very obvious they have sold their souls to get this run going, so I will leave them to their eventual “reward”. They are basically a heroin addict. the next high will never be enough and the next crash is always worse. Eventually, they will OD and be found decomposing in an alley.
The great thing about being a UGA fan is that you simply can’t invest that much of your soul in it, so you just learn to move on to the next aspect of your life the morning after.”

“I think this game may have ruined college football for me”

“All I could think about driving home was “There was nothing fun about this. Nothing.”I don’t want to watch this. I don’t want to read about this. And I really don’t want to write about this. Plus I don’t have anything to say anyway.
Thanks Georgia.”

“I can think of many words to describe this game, but there is only one that stands out in front: Typical.”

“that game was like the scene in “The Dark Knight Rises” shortly after Bane breaks Batman’s back.
– “Torture?”
– “Yes. But not of your body… … … of your soul.”

“Georgia Football: Making Alabama look good since 2008.”


“I’m becoming a monk and never caring about football again.”

“Charlotte is nice in January…..”

“May as well have worn the black jerseys. Would have been appropriate.”

“Looks like we’ve pulled another ‘Georgia’ again.”

[Thanks again to our friends at Roll Bama Roll]

Alabama 38, Georgia 10

Well now, that’s more like it. In Sanford Stadium, while it was raining cats and Dawgs, the Tide got a HUGE victory. And it had to be. A loss here and who knows what happens the rest of the season — but a win and we’re still in the hunt for a championship. So, we’re sill in the hunt.

Georgia was all ready to get vengeance for their 2008 loss and the SEC Championship loss of a few years ago and were Fired Up (rocking the team bus off its wheels and barking like, well, Dawgs before the game), but the Champs just took care of business.

We said that at least 3 things had to happen for Bama to win and all three happened:

  1. The Tide had to limit the Dawg running game. Check. If it hadn’t been for the long run by Nick Chub at the end of the third quarter, he would not have gotten his 100 yards.
  2. They had to put the game on the Georgia qb. Check again. We thought that Lambert had inflated stats. He did. By placing some pressure on him, Lambert hurried a few passes and threw a couple of interceptions.
  3. They had to hold on to the ball. After the fumble by D. Henry on the first possession, we were having some horrifying flashbacks. But, thanks to the defense, the turnover ended in a G-Dawg punt and Bama answered with a go-ahead field goal. Not only did the Tide hold on to the ball (we’ll overlook the fumble on the center exchange in the downpour that was the third quarter) but they actually got some turnovers, finally! So mission accomplished.

After Georgia tied the game with a field goal, it was the Alabama show the rest of the way. Derrick Henry scored on a 30 yard run through the middle of the Dawg defense. Minkah Fitzpatrick blocked the Georgia punt and then grabbed the ball on the 1 yard line, walking in the endzone for a special teams TD. Then, after getting the ball back, Jake Coker threw a 45 yard bomb to Calvin Ridley to make the score 24-3 — and within 6 minutes, the game was over – and the big crowd in Athens started thinking about finding some place drier than the stadium.

So the Tide moves to 4-1 on the year and has now gotten 2 of the nine must wins remaining in an effort to get back to Atlanta. Next week, the Champs take on the revived Arkansas Pigs who beat the Little Candy Orange Slices in K-ville and are shaping up into the team everybody thought they were coming into this season. It’ll be another tough one, but hey, like we always say, we like it tough.

Two down, seven to go. Keep it going, boys.


SEC predictions, Week #5

So how do all y’all that laughed at us last week feel now? Huh? Did we tell the truth or DID WE TELL THE TRUTH last week? Yes we did! And a perfect 9-0 record for the week is the “Amen” we been waiting for! Hit us with some o’that smell-good! The Perfecto brings our season record to 36-7 and we’re just hitting our stride, y’all, so buckle up yore seat belts and get ready to go for a ride in The Fanmobile! And we got us some good uns comin atcha this Saturday.

South Carolina at Missouri: Well, the incredibly OLD Ball Coach was finally able to find a team that his Game Chicks could beat last week, but now they’re back in the SEC and that prolly spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E for the hens. Mizzou has been asking for a loss all year and finally got their wish last week in Lexington against the “Trying to be Wild” Cats. South Carolina could win this game. It’s possible. But not likely. Mizzou is upset and embarrassed and ready to put together a game that ends with them having the highest score. And even without Matty Mauk we think they’ll do it and send send the Game Chicks back on that ole midnight train to Loserville.

San Jose State at Auburn: The Barn is in disarray. Sean White fired up the offense to get 3 field goals last week – going oh-for-the-game inside the Redzone. But, let’s be fair, Sean didn’t look too bad (seriously, compared to Jeremy Johnson he looked like Payton Manning). And this week might be just what he needs to get the Gus Bus back on the highway. The Spartans come into the Plains with a 2-2 record (wins over New Hampshire and Fresno State) – so not exactly whachooed call “Intimidating” but hey, baby steps, right? We think West Alabama Tech will win which will put them in a good mood for the extra practice time they’ll have before that Thursday night trip to Lexington on October 15.

Arkansas at Tennessee: Oh man, and speaking of “Loserville” – both these teams come into this one after heart-breaking, leave-me-at-the-altar-wondering-where-my-baby-has-gone losses. Color both teams with that big ole purple pain crayon cause both are hurt to the bone. The RazorPigs have lost 3 in a row and the Little Candy Orange Slices have managed to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory on two occasions so far – so both teams have seen brighter days. But now the question is, whose day gets brighter this Saturday? And that’s a tough question. The Pigs played better last week but the Candy Orange Slices are at home and they’re in a bad mood. We hate to say it just cause of how much we know it will hurt the Pig Lady, but turnovers will make the difference in this one and the boys wearing the ugliest shade of orange in the history of the world will pull out a win for FloppyTop.

Eastern Michigan at LSU: And speaking of depressing seasons – think what it must be like to be the EMU Eagles. On second thought, don’t, it’s way too depressing. They come to the Bayou with a 1-3 record (they beat Wyoming) and now have to play Leonard and the Gang. At night. In Tigur Stadium. Congratulations boys. You know how bad your season has been up to this point? You’re now about to learn what it means to go from bad to worse. The Tigurs go to 4-0 on the year.

Ole Miss at Florida: Now who said the Alleygators couldn’t be undefeated in October? Whooo-son, somebody is hot and it ain’t because of the heat and humidity. If this game had been played last Saturday, we’d probably be talking about how Ole Miss just lost their first game of the year. But it wasn’t played last Saturday and the Black Bears escaped with a win against the Commydoors. This un won’t sneak up on them like the last one. The Rebel Black Bears hand the Reptiles their first loss of the season – and in the process give the Alleygator fans a spoonful of realism (it won’t help, but at least it will happen).

Vanderbilt at Middle Tennessee: Vandy gets another exciting trip outside the conference as they travel to Murfreesboro to play Mid-Tennessee. Both teams are coming off near-victories (Vandy against Ole Miss and the Blue Raiders against Illinois) – so both are “hongry.” But Vandy should be feeling like a man breaking a 3 week fast. If they don’t win this one, they’re staring down the barrel of a 1-11 season. Truly. And that’s bad even for Vandy. This is their last chance to uphold the honor of the SEC – and we think they’ll do it. It won’t be easy, but the Commydoors get their second, and possibly their last, win of the season.

Alabama at Georgia: Ok, here’s The Big Game ™ of the week. The Tide faces another must win (but, since all of them are must wins from here on out, we’ll just quit saying this if that’s awrite) and, truthfully, they match up better against the G-Dawgs than many other SEC teams. But here’s the only way they can win: 1) No turnovers; 2) Limit the Dawg running game; 3) Put the game on the arm of the Georgia qb; and 4) NO TURNOVERS (yes, we know, we already say that, but given the season so far, trust us, it needs emphasis). If these things happen, the Tide wins. We think they’ll happen. Tide wins.

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky: We might need to break up the Mildcats if they keep this winning-thang going. Two (2) SEC wins already? Shoot-fire, y’all! If you don’t watch out, you gone make Kentucky fans get out their GPSes so they can find the stadium! Dang! And y’all gone keep on rolling this week. The Colonels will learn what it’s like to run into some mildly irritated cats who are seeking to be wild again.

Mississippi State at Texas A&M: The Cowbell Gang is all excited because they went over to the Barn and won. What they’re not considering sufficiently is that their experience will not be unique this year. And this week will help them get things in perspective. The A&Mers are just plain ole, flat out HOT after taking that game in JerryWorld last Saturday against the Hawgs. The Dawgs are going to have to play their best game of the year to win and we think they’ll fall short. Dak is good. But Dak ain’t Superman. He needs more help than he’s got on this team. The Ags win again and get to enjoy their off-week before playing the Tide in Aggieville on the 17th.

So there ya go, fellers. We know how easy this must look to y’all. We understand. A Master makes the most difficult tasks seem like child’s play don’t he? But really, don’t try this at home – leave it to us here at Fan HQ. We’re the pros and are able to do this ever week without hurting ourselves or any endangering any of those weird species. So y’all just sit back, get a big ole glass of Momma’s sweet tea, and enjoy the games. We’ll do the heavy-lifting – Y’all have fun!


“I need tequila”

Oh wow, as you might have expected, the fans of Auburn, Tennessee, Texas (poor Shorthorns) and Oregon are in shock and dismay over the performance (or non-performance) of their respective teams last Saturday. But, you know, as the we always say, Hey guys, if you don’t like it, pick a real football team to cheer for!

Tennessee fans are panicking on FloppyTop but that’s what happens when you give up the game winning TD on a 4th and 14 play:

“Hi, I’m first half Tennessee and I have DirectTV.”
“Hi, I’m second half Tennessee and I have cable.”

“I guess I’m getting salty. I just flipped off a grinning Florida fan on my TV.”

“If we can’t win at football, at least we’ll still be number one in crippling alcoholism after tonight.”


“There is always next decade…”

“trust Butch” they said “Butch gets it” they said”

“ about to go up”

“Metrosexual Coaches can not win in the SEC”

“All those people that called me negative: Jesus loves you.”

“I think pitchforks are on sell at Home Depot. Who’s buying?”

“My Saturdays just opened up.”

“Congrats to Mcelwain on becoming the next coach who never lost to tennessee.”

Texas fans are wondering if they’ll ever win another game. You know it’s bad when everyone in Austin is thanking God for Rice:

“It sucks we have to trot out a WR that has never been able to catch a football.”

“Time to get my funnel.”

“Worst officiated game in history of sports. Refs deserve PRISON.”

“our oline is concentrating in matador studies”

“every week, a new way to go out in disgrace”

“Caucasians. Weak link.”

“The ghost of mack brown needs to be exorcised from DKR by Pope Francis.”

“I’m going to go burn myself to death.”

“I’m taking up theater & the arts.”

“There is nothing more painful than losing on a special teams blunder-unless it’s losing TWO weeks in a row on a special teams blunder”

“I am going to have to stop watching this sh*t, my cardiologist already has enough money.”

“Makes me wonder what pleasant surprises we’re in for next week? Self-sack? More record-setting flags? Self-inflicted safeties to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?”

“So we’re lynching the punter tonight correct?”

“Sans rice we’re the worst team in the state”

“Offense couldn’t save their mother if she were on fire.”

Nobody is hurting worse than the farm hands down at the Barn. Awbarn just lost to Mississippi State. At home. And they didn’t score a single touchdown. It’s bad. And there is no comfort:


“I would like to point out that winning this game would require us to touch the fabled “end zone” I’ve heard so much about. I hear there’s like up to EIGHT points in there!”

“We’re just so pitiful on defense. 6 years of this is just hurts.”

“The talent is wasted.
We are Auburn.

“Why is White unable to find anyone open? Oh yeah, Malzahn. Fire this !#%* now”

“We’ve gotten progressively worse and that’s not going to stop. Again, as repeated ad nauseum, give this level of pre “coached” talent to any other program and they make waves… We make ‘worst of’ lists.”

“Here’s to s good Sunday of fantasy football”

“Well this was a blast, good luck to anyone trying to find me passed out in a ditch later tonight”

“When they interview Gus I wished he’d say,” I have no idea what I’m doing”, I respect him so much more.”

“who calls a play action on 3rd and 20??”

“AU turning SEC home games into live audition scrimmages.”

But the award this week goes to Oregon fans who watched the Ducks get plucked and fried by Utah:

“I’ve never tackled someone in my life – I think I should try out for our defense.”

“Hi I’m the Oregon secondary and I have cable.”

“It’s 55-13 and there is still one quarter left. What parallel universe are we in?”

“Oh man, please hang like 80 points on us, Utah. We really need a new staff.”

“If only we’d nailed that 2 point conversion in the 1st quarter. Things would have been so different…”

“So this is what it feels like.”

“How Can That TouchDown Be Real If Our Defense Isn’t Real”

“I’m at Autzen right now. Entire place feels like all of their souls have been forcibly extracted from their bodies. Terrible.”

“Remember Mariota? Wasn’t that fun?”

“Do…do we have to play the 4th quarter?”

“when I was at OR [80-85] we would rink beer and smoke dope in the parking lot until halftime and if we were still in the game we would go in. I am so glad current students can share my experience..”

“I want a coach that will only run the triple option.
Forward passes are a gimmick.”


“You know, it’s cool when you’re good and wear flashy uniforms . . .
It’s embarrassing when you’re bad.”

“TEQUILA. Holy crap I need tequila.”

“Break out the guillotine”

“This is like watching Einstein in a chess match against a 5 year old with Down syndrome.”

“So are we going to beat wake Forest in the bowl game this time?”

“Look for all other teams we play to do this stuff. After all we have boat raced most of them for years….pay back is a bitch.”

[thanks again to Roll Bama Roll]

Alabama 34, UL Monroe 0

Ok, well, let’s begin by saying this was a lot better outcome than 2007, and for that alone, we’re happy and most thankful. But that aside, this was not a very satisfying game for Tide fans. Here’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of last Saturday:

The Good: The Defense. Oh honey, that’s what we talkin’ about! That was how defense is to be played. ULM was held to 1.4 yards per play. It was so bad for them that we hear they’re changing their nickname from the Warhawks to the PeaceDoves. The Front Seven ™ were everything they’ve been hyped-up to be and it was “shut-down” time all day. Even the d-backs had a good game. And yes, we know this wasn’t Georgia or LSU (heck, it wasn’t even Vandy), but it was a team that shouldn’t have gotten 2 yards per play . . . and they didn’t.

The other really good thing was Adam Griffith’s kicking. It was more solid than it has been all year and we pray that whatever physical/psychological/emotional problem he’s had is gone far, far away. Please God.

The Bad: The Offense. Well, maybe this is a tad overstated. Let’s take into account that there was a very limited play book for this game. The Tide wasn’t showing much because, well, you know, we’ve sorta kinda got a pretty big game this coming Saturday – but still, the offensive line continues to struggle more than we expected it would and more than we think it should (and this is especially the case with the right side of the O-line). There’s a great deal of improvement needed still and it needs to happen fast if we’re gonna have any real fun the rest of this season.

The Receivers are dropping too many passes. Look, we don’t get all that many passes that hit you guys between the numbers – and when we do, we don’t need y’all dropping them. C’mon boys, you gotta catch the catchable balls.

Special teams were better BUT J. K. Scott (2014’s MVP) still continues to be inconsistent. Another shanked punt put the defense in a bad spot. It didn’t hurt (in this game) but we can’t keep doing that from here on out.

The Ugly: The Quarterback. Ok, again, it’s a little overstated and unfair to call Jake Coker’s play “ugly” in this game – it’s been much uglier in the past. But here are our concerns: 1) our qb is still having trouble seeing open receivers when the primary receiver is covered; 2) he still stares down the primary receiver and apparently is constitutionally unable to look-off defenders and 3) when it’s pretty obvious that the primary receiver is covered, but you throw it to him anyway – that’s ugly, though we’re willing to concede that it’s more scary than ugly. And “scary” is not how you want to describe your quarterback play at this point in the season.

And there’s one more ugly thing we can’t help but mention:

The Refs finally called the “ineligible receiver down field” penalty! . . . and they managed to GET IT WRONG AGAIN! This is really amazing. They finally call the penalty and replay shows that none of Alabama’s linemen were even close to being 3 yards beyond the line of scrimmage! Does anybody understand what it means to “put emphasis” upon enforcing a particular rule? Honestly. They won’t call the penalty when linemen are 5-6 yards down field, but they’ll call it when it is CLEARLY NOT a violation? Please, somebody, talk to the refs. Explain the rule and let’s see if ANYBODY can interpret it properly during a game.

Ok, thank you for being patient, we greatly appreciate the opportunity to get that off our chests – and we feel much better already.

Anyway, this week the season begins. We had to win nine straight and we got the first one. The next six weeks the Champs play six solid teams (four of whom will have had an off week prior to playing the Tide) so here we go. If you’re going to be a champion, now’s the time to do it. And it starts this Saturday in Athens. Eight more to go. Whaddaya says fellers?