This week we have a veritable bonanza of melt for you and it comes from some of our favorite meltdown artists – Texas, Notre Dame, Awbarn, Ole Miss – and they do not disappoint.
Texas fans can’t believe they had to travel all the way to Berkley to get a very memorable loss – but, you know, they like to do everything BIG.
“Who could have possibly predicted that we were overrated at #11?”
“At the end of this year we bring in Saban. I’m tired of being $#@!ty. Aren’t yall?”
“New drinking game: drink every time Longhorns make you sad, then you die.”
“Tomorrow, I’m gonna drive to that vacant lot in town where the neighborhood kids play tag football. Then, I’m gonna toss a dozen 12 year olds in the back, put them in Texas uniforms and call them a defense.”
“If Buechele is hurt we burn and salt the field”
“Okay Texas Coaches, here’s you’re halftime adjustment. Pretty complicated, but achievable: RUN THE BALL,RUN THE BALL,RUN THE BALL,RUN THE BALL,RUN THE BALL,RUN THE BALL, RUN THE BALL, RUN THE BALL, . . .
“If Malik is hurt I’m replacing this rum and coke with bleach and rope.”
“We just did that. We just punt the ball with less than 2 minutes left while losing. And I stayed up until 1:35 for this shit.”
“Fun fact! If you look up masochist in the dictionary it’s just a picture of a bunch of Texas football fans.”
“Damnit Charlie, Bevo didn’t die 14 times for this.”
Notre Dame fans came into this season with such high hopes. Just like every other season. But . . . .
“Brian van Gorder’s defensive philosophy seems to be “Bend and Break”
“I SWEAR TO GOD KIZER, IF YOU DON’T SCORE ON THIS DRIVE, I WILL EAT ALL OF YOUR ALLOTED AMOUNT OF ICE CREAM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!”
“To any people who are not ND fans yes it is normal for ND fans to be on suicide watch when we are down at half by 1 score”
“If Brian van Gorder is our DC at the beginning of next season I will root for USC for the rest of my life.”
“Our defense is as imaginary as Manti Te’o’s girlfriend”
“I don’t get enough joy out of ND football’s rare highs anymore to endure the perpetual constant nut-shots.”
“This is the purest form of Brian Kelly football. Raw talent, zero discipline.”
“You telling me you didn’t expect a run up the middle on 1st and 10, Van Gorder? Even though that’s LITERALLY ALL THEY’VE DONE ON FIRST DOWN ALL NIGHT?”
“Notre Damn could run a clinic on how to miss tackles.”
“We are officially worse than Furman.”
“I wish I wasn’t so Irish so it would take less booze to die of alcohol poisoning.”
Things are very sad down at the Barn. Awbarn fans are finally coming to the realization that Colin Cowherd is a false prophet:
“This is shite. I feel sorry for the defense, . . . They deserve so much better. When is our “run first” coach going to learn that our best bet to win is run the football and throw a pass deeper than 7 yards?”
“I’ll pay the gal at the waffle House 200 if she’ll piss on his grits tonight.”
“At this point I don’t give a frick about Petrino’s character. He could fall off 1000 Harley’s if he won more than lost and kicked nick sabans ass.”
“Great tackle on the guy that didn’t have the ball there”
“Our band members even look defeated.”
“We had a fantastic week of practice though”
“Gus has no direction for this team and he doesn’t need to be an offensive coordinator or head ball coach. Time to go back to division 2, 3, or highschool.”
“Screw the safety of the women at Auburn, bring in Art Briles. It’s just the women.”
“I hate football. Luckily auburn quit playing football a couple years ago.”
“Can anyone direct me to the exit to the Gus Bus?
“Our QB makes me ashamed to call myself a white supremicist.”
But, as great as these have been, the trophy goes to Ole Miss fans this week. They really take losing hard.
“How to beat Ole Miss:
Step 1: Spot them a 3 score lead
Step 2: Watch Ole Miss implode
Step 3: Collect W”
“I have a horrible feeling that this is going to end up being the FSU game all over again.”
“Panic drinking begins now.”
“Hi, I’m second half Ole Miss, and I have Cable.”
“College football is a simple game: 22 men try to get a ball into the end zone for 60 minutes, and in the end Alabama always wins”
“If games were 25 minutes we’d be bad ass.”
“So do we get to complain for the next year about how Alabama just got really lucky?”
“Do I think we deserved this loss? Hell yes.
Do I think the officiating is some of the worst I have ever seen? Hell yes.
Do I hate myself after spending more than four hours with Verne and Gary? Buying a gun now.”
“When the Grinch stole Christmas, it wasn’t anger that forced him to give the presents back. It was love. His heart grew three sizes that day. . . Maybe…if we give Saban love, something he’s never ever felt before, maybe we can stop from shitting on college football.”
“Maybe, just maybe, if we get Saban to love as well, he’ll leave college football forever.”
[and again, our thanks to the guys at Roll Bama Roll]