SEC Championship prediction

Yeah, we know you’re not very excited about this one – and it’s understandable. Seems weird not to have the Champs playing in their annual final game in Atlanta doesn’t it? Oh well, next year we’ll see y’all in Atlanta. But for now, we’ll have to endure the Barners and the M-Tigs as they “battle” it out to see who can fuss the most if Ohio St. and Florida State both win their conference championship matchups.

Both teams have had fine years. Mizzou in only its second year in the SEC has shown us they are legit. They have a fine team with some very good players. Quarterback James Franklin is back and playing well. The defensive front has been strong all year and the Tiger receiving corps may well be the best all-round group of receivers in the country (big, tall, fast). Their only blemish is an overtime loss to the Game Chickens back in October. Since then they’ve destroyed UT and the Mildcats and gained solid victories over Ole Miss and the Aggies.

Awbarn, to all observation, has lived by magic pixie dust all season. They opened the season by hanging on for dear life against Wazzoo. Then scored in the last 10 seconds to defeat the Cowbell Gang at home before finally losing a game in Baton Rouge. They had squeakers against Ole Miss and A&M before the “Immaculate Deflection” defeated (and deflated) Georgia and the missed field goal return against the champs last week. This team could be (and perhaps should be) 5-7 and sitting home for the holidays. Instead, they come into this game with a legitimate shot at playing in the National Championship game.

No. Don’t ask. We have no idea how it can be explained. But there it is.

So, what’s going to happen tomorrow?

Quick and dirty: Awbarn again tries to draw from it’s bank accounts of good fortune (every one of them, including the Felicity account, the Charmed account, the Propitious-Halcyon one, and finally, the Rosy-Palmy-Cherry-on-top one) and finds that all of them have been drained dry.

Y’all done spent all your miracles. There ain’t any left. You spent the last bit last Saturday (remember spending your last four field goal misses?). You went for the “there’s no way in hell” one the week before, and the blocked punts, fumble returns, and interception-ones had already been used in previous games.

Go ahead and see for yourselves. Run your hand around in the box. Nothing left. All gone. If you write a check, it’s going to bounce. Sorry.

And this is very bad news for the Barners cause this team can’t win without some miracles (at least a few minor ones). But they done gone and used em all up. And that means that Mizzou wins. Mizzou.

Mizzou will be the SEC champions. Let that sink in a minute.


And the foundations shake.

And we will sit back and earnestly pray that the Lord of heaven and earth will grant the Tide one final request for Christmas. Please God. It is our heartfelt and sincere desire. We need this one thing. One little thing. One thing to make the season right again: Please let Bama play Awbarn in a bowl game.

Any bowl game.


Even, (gulp) even Shreveport. We don’t ask for glory. We don’t ask for crystal. We just beg for one more shot at the Cow College.





2 responses to “SEC Championship prediction

  1. I hear your excuses, but at the end of the day Auburn won. They deserve the trip to Atlanta, seems fitting end for a team that back door into 2 National Championship games. Clearly Bama weak schedule didn’t prepare them to play against a team that wouldn’t lay down for them. You talk about luck for UGA game, but don’t acknowledge the fact that Murrey didn’t get into the endzone on 4th down. You cry about the 4 missed field goals, but don’t acknowledge that Auburn blocked 1 of them. You ignore the fact that Nick Marshall over threw wide open Wide Receivers that could have walked into the endzone over bama’s vaulted secondary. Try not to be bias in your take on the game. I have watched it three times, Auburn wanted it more.

  2. …now don’t misunderstand, Lord. Should You in your infinite power and grace see fit to extend the Hand of your blessing upon your humble servants, we would be ever so grateful for glory and crystal also.

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