So you think this is funny, huh?

Ok, we’re still a little shaken up by the way the season ended. Still can’t believe that we lost to the Barn and to those covered wagon riders from Norman, but somebody told us the weirdest thing, that Coach Saban was going to hire Lane Kiffin as offensive coordinator.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

We said.

 

Little Lane? Little Laney boy?? Little Rid Riding Lane??? No left turn Lane????

C’mon man! Don’t pull our legs like that.

Then we saw the news.

So.

Ok Lane, you’re finally back in the BIG TIME.

We hope you look good in crimson.

You’ve gotten another “second chance.”

Don’t blow it.

[trust Coach Saban, trust Coach Saban, trust . . . keep saying it, guys]

Getting warmed up

Yeah, that groaning you heard a while ago? that was the Fan stretching it out and doing a little jogging, getting ready for the upcoming college football season.

Next week look for the Fan’s preseason overview and utterly meaningless predictions (I mean if Kirk Herbstreit can pick Auburn to win the SEC West, the Fan ain’t stayin out of this riot, no way!). So, we should have a lot of fun — how can you not love Vandy’s new coach (Robbie Caldwell), huh? Anybody who admits he couldn’t have met admission requirements to the school where he’s now the head football coach, well, you just gotta love. I’m calling Coach Rob “Les Jr.” for now.

Oh, and speaking of The Hat, he’s all riled up about how his Tigurs are not gittin any respect from the preseason pollsters. He says the players are taking it personally. They shouldn’t. Nobody thinks that LSU is a bad team. It’s just the fact that all that talent is coached by a guy who’s never read a book and suffers from paralysis of the brain on Saturdays (ok, I take it back, that was mean. I shouldn’t make fun of a guy who thinks the BP oil spill “affects . . . the ocean”).

Then there’s Ole Miss and Coach Houston “I want a Miracle and I’m willing to put a criminal on scholarship to get it!” Nutt. Can Jeremiah “don’t leave anything laying around you don’t want stolen” Masoli lead this team to victory??? The Fan is sittin on your proverbial “pins and needles” (much sharper than the real pins and needles) waiting to find out.

We’re definitely going to miss “Little Lane” of Knoxville fame (aka Esquire Magazine’s “Sexiest Woman Alive”), this year. But somehow, I think he’ll get a mention or two since he’s now got his dream job at Probation U.

Anyway, it’s going to be a lot of fun and I need to stop before I get carried away.

See you next week.

Blame Lane (and Pete)

Well, it’s finally come down . . . the NCAA hammer, I mean . . . on USC’s collective head. Four years of probation and a two-year ban from bowl games, the loss of 10 scholarships per year in football for the next 3 years, the vacating of victories for the 2004 season (including the 2005 Orange Bowl, where the Trojans won the BCS national championship by beating Oklahoma like a kettle drummer on cocaine), and fines. The NCAA said its findings included “a lack of institutional control, impermissible inducements, extra benefits, exceeding coach staff limits, and unethical conduct by an assistant football coach.” Basically, this is the equivalent of the penalty given to Alabama for similar (though less serious) violations a few years ago. So, I guess the NCAA retains it’s reputation for “fairness” for one more year. I still hate the NCAA, but if you’re going to be an enforcer, then be an enforcer — and this was an action that had to be taken given the seriousness of USC’s rule breaking.

So, I’m thankful though not exactly “celebrating.” I confess that I’m thankful that a major program (not named “Alabama”) got tagged for breaking the rules (which, truth be told, is pretty widespread in major programs). What I’m upset about is that the sanctions imposed always (or most always) allow the perpetrators to get off with nothing but dirty looks (if that). So, Pete Carroll is sitting fat and cozy in Seattle and will, no doubt, express his “disappointment and surprise” over the NCAA’s judgment. And Tim Floyd (USC basketball coach that committed numerous violations) will do the same from El Paso (where he coaches the UTEP team). That which upset me about Alabama’s sanctions was that the innocent got punished and the guilty walked. And I feel the same way today . . . mostly.

In lots of ways, I can say, “too bad.” Too bad for the recruits who were falsely assured that USC was not going to receive any serious punishment (really, it’s incredible to think that this was said over and over again by some who were aware of the severity of the infractions and should have known better). Now the incoming freshman class is looking at forfeiting their opportunity for a championship for 2 of their 4 years of eligibility.

Too bad for the guys who rejected the offers of illegal benefits (and no doubt there were some) and stayed away from doing anything contrary to the NCAA regs — but now are going to be treated as criminals.

Too bad for the fans of USC who thought that Pete “Hollywood” Carroll was the incarnation of Tommy the Trojan . . . and now have to face the reality that Pistol Pete’s sudden desire to return to the NFL was merely the frantic snatching of the first opportunity to leave the scene of the crime before the police arrived.

All the innocent parties at USC have my sympathies. But, of course, that means that I must exclude the cute little coach that was just hired by the darlings of Rodeo Boulevard. Let’s be plain, Little Lane of Kiffin fame deserves all this and much, much more (and by the way, Tennessee fans, how thankful are you now for Lane’s “great escape”? What USC was given today could have been yours in 2015!). And I’m not sympathetic for a number of reasons: Lane was an assistant at USC while many of these violations were taking place. He participated in (and supported) some of the infractions that the Trojans got nailed for today (even if he did it in complete ignorance of NCAA rules — which is very likely the case). Lane deserves some misery.

The only regret I have is that he now has a ready excuse for the decline of the program that will officially begin with the opening kickoff of the 2010 season — and everyone will think his whining and crying is justified . . . and some might even feel sorry for him [shudder].

Maybe next year, he’ll come out and denounce Pete Carroll.

Nah, I’m dreaming. For that to happen, Lane would actually have to grow a backbone . . . and we no longer have warrant to expect those kinds of miracles.

We’re waiting

The NCAA’s investigation into USC’s shenanigans in regard to Reggie Bush (and other matters) continues to drag along. We heard rumors that the decision was going to be put out last week. No dice. So we wait. And to say that Alabama fans are looking with some interest to what the NCAA decides is like saying Oprah Winfrey thinks about dieting every now and then.

We. Are. Waiting.

After all the NCAA indignation over Alabama’s misdeeds — not to mention the loss of 21 scholarships over three years and a two-year bowl ban — the judgment (assuming the rumors and allegations are true) better be at least equivalent. Tony Barnhart makes the point:

If only half of what has been reported about Bush is true and USC skates on this one, there will be a nuclear eruption in Tuscaloosa, Ala. The Crimson Tide program was hammered for rules violations in 2002 and the penalties came with a considerable amount of finger wagging from the NCAA. . . .
Will the NCAA have the same righteous indignation for misbehavior and lack of institutional control, if proven, that takes place on the West Coast?

Thanks Tony. That is the question we’re all waiting to find the answer to (though I’d also like to know why they think Lane Kiffin is worth $4 million per year, but that’s one for another time).

We’ve been suspicious ever since Little Lane breezed into Tennessee and started racking up NCAA violations as fast as officer O’Leary could scarf down Krispy Kreme donuts on Saturday mornings. Where did he get the idea that all those illegal recruiting practices were ok? (Hey, Coach Pete, you need to raise your hand). The fact is, USC has been doing recruiting this way for a long time and Lane never bothered to check the rule book. And it looks like a lot of other USC coaches failed to do the same. So . . . Coach Pete flees for Seattle where he won’t be affected by the coming judgment and can act surprised when he hears about it. And Little Lane can act hurt and persecuted when the decision comes down.

But this all depends upon the NCAA doing what it says it always does — namely, holding institutions accountable.

So, NCAA guys, if you want to retain any credibility at all, this better be good.

So long, Lane

UT students gave Lane Kiffin a farewell party last night after learning of his decision to accept the head coaching position at USC. Well, ok, maybe it wasn’t exactly a farewell party. Truthfully, it sounds like it was a tad less friendly than that. ESPN’s Chris Low reports:

Groups of angry students and fans began surrounding the football complex after the news leaked that Kiffin had taken the USC job. Eventually, it evolved into a mob-like scene with police moving in and barricading Johnny Majors Drive in front of the football complex.

Others reported students chanting “We want Lane” — which I guess was not meant to be a plea that Lane remain at UT as head coach. Still others started a bonfire with Lane Kiffin T-shirts and someone even set a mattress on fire — in an ill-considered attempt to imitate the student body at West Virginia.

But hey, think about it, guys. You had a coach who acted like a 12 year-old who had been given the keys to a Ferrari and told to have a good time. Lane was an embarrassment even though most of you (loyally) refused to acknowledge it. But now you don’t have to pretend that immaturity is OK anymore. Now you have the opportunity to get a real coach who might actually act like an adult.

It’s a “Win-Win” situation. Trust me.

Little Lane goes Hollywood

Well, whaddaya say about all this? First Pete Carroll bolts from USC, deftly avoiding the oncoming NCAA probation train and USC then hires Little Laney “I don’t know the rules” Kiffin (who may be avoiding some penalties at UT for recruiting violations). So, in a way, it makes sense. I mean, who better to deal with NCAA problems than the guy who’s become an NCAA secondary violations expert in his first season as a head coach?

The whole process has exposed Lane’s character (and proven what the rest of us have been saying all along). After Tennessee gave him the biggest break of his career (giving him a job after he was unceremoniously fired from the Oakland Raiders), he leaves them holding the bag after only one mediocre season. That’s one heckofa way to say “Thanks” eh?

But, then again, Lane never has been one big on formalities (you know, things like, courtesy, loyalty, gratitude — things that some people think are important). Lane has learned that these things don’t matter when you’re seeking your own best interest. Looking back after Tuesday night, Al Davis doesn’t seem so crazy when he called Lane a “flat out liar” — and that’s probably quite mild compared to what UT athletic director, Mike Hamilton is calling him now.

So now Tennessee is left to try to find a head coach three weeks before signing day. At least they don’t have to worry about what crazy thing Lane is going to do next.

Now that problem belongs to USC. Look out Hollywood.

Little Lane and the NCAA

Uh-oh. Lane Kiffin may have insulted Pope Urban one time too many. The NY Times reported today that Tennessee is under investigation by the NCAA for its “aggressive recruiting” practices (yeah, the same ones that Lane was so proud about a few months ago).

It sounds ominous (but of course, being an Alabama fan, any time the NCAA starts poking around a program it sounds ominous to me). But remember, this comes after six “secondary violations” Laney has committed thus far this year. We’ll see what happens, but Lane’s “fast start” may suffer a set back of pretty serious proportions if the NCAA decides to go all “Alabama” on them.

So now the Fan advises the Little Oranges to pray that the Lord will have mercy. Because one thing’s for sure, the NCAA usually doesn’t.